LISTEN Please?

We human, the creation of God was granted with a pair of ears for us to listen. Listening skills in the process of interaction between human communication is very important. Everyone can listen , but how well do we listen?

There are 3 types of listening skills, which are objective listening, active listening and empathic listening. Objective listening is to listen as much as possible to understand the speaker, while empathic listening is trying to understand what a person feels and means from his point of view. As for active listening, the use of appropriate verbal and non-verbal communication during interaction between people or in other words two way communication.

Well, when i was in secondary school, it was the hardest moment that I had gone through. That moment, I was having depression. The most basic thing that I need was my parents to listen to me. Everytime when I tried to tell something good or bad to my parents, they don't even have eye contact to me. Sometimes they even did not listen to me and wait for me to finish what i was trying to say, they had already changed the topic to something else or even not responded to me. Worst case, when I hadn't get into the main point, they had already assumed something else which i did not mean that way.

These few actions that they had done, brought several impacts on me. It gave me the feeling that it was better to keep the matter to myself rather than telling them. The most basic things that i need was just a listener, and not to be judgmental and assumptions, is it that difficult to be done?

In conclusion,listening skills are very important in every interaction. Try to listen to them, feel them and understand them. If not, we will easily come to a conclusion and make a wrong assumption. This not only will hurt that person's feeling, it also hurts that person's self-esteem, belongings needs and also miscommunication. Thank you.


Done by Hong Chun, Chrno.

Actions are louder than words...

Today is my birthday...In my family, it is very normal that there are no cake cutting, birthday song singing, present giving, and all the usual stuff people do on birthdays. It started being like this when each of us (me and my 3 siblings) turns 7. We just sort of outgrown the birthday thing..

Wait, don't get me wrong. This don't mean that birthdays are not celebrated at all in my family! We just do it a different way. For example, since its my birthday today, my dad will automatically bring us somewhere nice for dinner ;p I will get to make the choice of what to order off the menu XD For lunch, mum made soup vermicelli with 2 boiled eggs - dyed red - for me! (Red eggs are the symbol of change in life; their round shape also symbolizes a harmonious and happy life. Vermicelli symbolizes longevity)

Also, my siblings will take over my share of the household chores even though it is my turn to do it. As for presents, I get to ask 1 thing or favor from each of my family members. Sometimes, they have presents for me all the same =) but usually only mum and dad gave me stuffs...Mind you, I do not need to say a single word to remind them or tell them they are suppose to do my work ;p Its just automatic ..hehe..

My parents are the best I tell you! They completely turn off their nagging mode!!! Not one single word against me! WHAO!! its really a peace of mind, considering the amount of nagging I have to bear with in a day..hehe...shhh...Dad who never say `HAPPY BIRTHDAY' to me in person as far as i can remember will give me pats and sometimes a hug on my birthday! My brothers will not fight for the TV remote like they usually do too ;p

hmmm...the list just goes on and on...They don't say it out loud to me or do much things that clearly states that they are celebrating my birthday; but I feel it all the same!!! This year, mum and dad is working and I have to help too. So, they took me shopping a few days earlier. It came as a suprise to me as dad really don't approve of me shopping. He thinks I have too much clothes already; but he spent nearly RM300 without a mere grumble on clothes for me!! Its his way of saying sorry to me...

Thus, I am not that sad although I have to work instead and no celebrations at all. It is very boring and irritating but maybe they postpone the celebration to a later date and there are more presents to come ;p so, I'm still keeping my fingers crossed...XD

PICTURES

Picture is something give us information directly and also indirectly meaning. Different people view a picture in different ways and feelings. I think picture is the best way to demonstrates stories and emotions.

People likes to add words or sentences on the picture, which can describes their feelings well.

Take this picture as example, I can intreprete it as loving and hugging within different species of animals. But you can also think this as fighting and competing between each other. It is a matter of perspectives and view.

I love pictures. I love snapping photos. I demonstrate my feelings by photos.

Your fallen angel,

LOK YEE WEI

Becoming an Active Listener

Listening is one of the most important skills you can have. How well you listen has a major impact on your job effectiveness, and on the quality of your relationships with others. We listen to obtain information, to understand, to learn and for enjoyment. There are five key elements of active listening. They all help you ensure that you hear the other person, and that the other person knows you are hearing what they are saying.

1. Pay attention.
Give the speaker your undivided attention and acknowledge the message. Recognize that what is not said also speaks loudly.
*Look at the speaker directly.
*Put aside distracting thoughts.
*Avoid being distracted by environmental factors.
*“Listen” to the speaker’s body language.
*Refrain from side conversations when listening in a group setting.

2. Show that you are listening.
Use your own body language and gestures to convey your attention.
*Nod occasionally.
*Smile and use other facial expressions.
*Note your posture and make sure it is open and inviting.
*Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like yes, and uh huh.

3. Provide feedback.
Our personal filters, assumptions, judgments, and beliefs can distort what we hear. As a listener, your role is to understand what is being said. This may require you to reflect what is being said and ask questions.
*Reflect what has been said by paraphrasing. “What I’m hearing is…” and “Sounds like you are saying…”
are great ways to reflect back.
*Ask questions to clarify certain points. “What do you mean when you say…” “Is this what you mean?”
*Summarize the speaker’s comments periodically.

4. Defer judgment.
Interrupting is a waste of time. It frustrates the speaker and limits full understanding of the message.
*Allow the speaker to finish.
*Don’t interrupt with counter-arguments.

5. Respond Appropriately.
Active listening is a model for respect and understanding. You are gaining information and perspective. You add nothing by attacking the speaker or otherwise putting him or her down.
*Be candid, open, and honest in your response.
*Assert your opinions respectfully.
*Treat the other person as he or she would want to be treated.

It takes a lot of concentration and determination to be an active listener. Old habits are hard to break, and if your listening habits are as bad as many people’s are, then there’s a lot of habit-breaking to do!
Be deliberate with your listening and remind yourself constantly that your goal is to truly hear what the other person is saying. Set aside all other thoughts and behaviors and concentrate on the message. Ask question, reflect, and paraphrase to ensure you understand the message. If you don’t, then you’ll find that what someone says to you and what you hear can be amazingly different!
Start using active listening today to become a better communicator and improve your workplace productivity and relationships......


Rubini Chandra Sekharan

~Flavor of Life~

Music plays a large part in my life! I listen to music everyday! Without music, I think life would be meaningless. Well, today Mr Murali asked us to introduce the song we chose to the class. What the song means to us? What makes us listen to it? etc...So, I chose Utada Hikaru's `Flavor of Life'.



The first thing that attracted me to this song was the title, `flavor of life'. It brings back all the memories in my life,be it sweet, sour, spicy or bitter (happiness, excitement, pain, sad). But what stands out most are the sad and painful memories. However, because they are also one of the flavor of life; I have to accept them believing it to be making my life more tasty(interesting). I use the sweet and sour to cover up the spicy and bitterness thus comforting myself.

The thing is, when I checked out the lyrics, the song turned out to be some kind of a love song. But still, the message I interpreted was very near! ;p So,here is the actual meaning and nature of the song.

"As the title notes, the flavor of life is bittersweet. It's not always good, but it's not always bad either - it's mixed and people could learn to appreciate that mix as a good thing . The song itself is about the frustrating position of going nowhere in a relationship while holding out hope for it. The song is actually an encouraging song, especially when one listens carefully and notes that at the points when the lyrics seem to show the individual about to "give up", the hidden words in the background sing "Don't be afraid" and "You'll be okay" Apart from what seems to be fear for the future, one should also note the themes of faith, confidence and responsibility throughout the song"

My interpretation is pretty close isn't it?! - even though I didn't have anything about love in my mind;p Amazing! Anyway, Hikaru's songs have left many impacts on me because she always seem to relate to my feelings well (through her songs I mean). Most of her songs are meaningful and since she's a japanese-american, she has english songs too..XD

here's a recent video on her new english album...I think the song `come back to me' has been playing on local radio not long ago too ;p









p.s : sorry for the intro on utada...nothing better to do that's why..hehe XD

Gopeng Camp

I went to Leadership camp in last 2 weeks which held in Gopeng. It was fun and interesting though. I learned something different which actually had changed my view is from our camp leader Miss Cindy and a guy called Chong Jun Hoong.

Here I am going to talk about the techniques of Miss Cindy got feedback from us. She never asked us to put up our hand to comment about the games, feelings and sensations. For example, she placed some ropes on the floor and want us to stand on the side which is fit our opinion. Besides that, she also wants us to use a long rope to plot a curve graph which represents our feelings towards the 3days 2nights camp. These are the ways which I think is very efficient communication skills. Although she uses indirect ways to asked us feedback but I think we give her great response. Usually students do not give respond to the lecturer (maybe they scared make mistakes or do not show their opinion), but Miss Cindy let us use some equipment and tools to represents our voices and feelings which is another communication skill.

Jun Hoong actually inspired me alot when we play on the high rope course. It is a challenging game which challenge our height phobia and examine our physical strength. Actually he is an overweight guy (be frankly speaking sorry), he felt from the wooden stepping board, but he is still safe because there are some safety features hanging him. He takes a long time about 20minutes hanging there, because he can't get himself up to the board. When I look at him, I feel like crying. There only left Miss Cindy , Jun Hoong and me, Miss Cindy and I tried to help him, he has strong determination which touch us a lot. I gave him applause and at the end of the camp, when he said out his feelings, he almost cry. He finally conquer his physical limit and achieve his goal! I am proud of him!

Your fallen angel,
Lok Yee Wei

Six Fundamental Patterns of Cultural Differences

As people from different cultural groups take on the exciting challenge of working together, cultural values sometimes conflict. We can misunderstand each other, and react in ways that can hinder what are otherwise promising partnerships. Oftentimes, we aren't aware that culture is acting upon us. Sometimes, we are not even aware that we have cultural values or assumptions that are different from others. As you enter into multicultural dialogue or collaboration, keep these generalized differences in mind. Next time you find yourself in a confusing situation, and you suspect that cross-cultural differences are at play, try reviewing this list.

1. Different Communication Styles
The way people communicate varies widely between, and even within, cultures. One aspect of communication style is language usage. Across cultures, some words and phrases are used in different ways. Another major aspect of communication style is the degree of importance given to non-verbal communication. Non-verbal communication includes not only facial expressions and gestures, it also involves seating arrangements, personal distance, and sense of time. In addition, different norms regarding the appropriate degree of assertiveness in communicating can add to cultural misunderstandings.

2. Different Attitudes towards Conflicts
Some cultures view conflict as a positive thing, while others view it as something to be avoided. Face-to-face meetings customarily are recommended as the way to work through whatever problems exist. In contrast, in many Eastern countries, open conflict is experienced as embarrassing or demeaning, as a rule, differences are best worked out quietly. A written exchange might be the favored means to address the conflict.

3. Different Approaches in Completing Tasks
From culture to culture, there are different ways that people move towards completing tasks. Some reasons include different access to resources, different judgments of the rewards associated with task completion, different notions of time, and varied ideas about how relationship-building and task-oriented work should go together. When it comes to working together effectively on a task, cultures differ with respect to the importance placed on establishing relationships early on in the collaboration. This does not mean that people from any cultural backgrounds are more or less committed to accomplishing the task or value relationships more or less, it means they may pursue them differently.

4. Different Decision Making Styles
The roles individuals play in decision-making vary widely from culture to culture. Be aware that individuals' expectations about their own roles in shaping a decision may be influenced by their cultural frame of reference.

5. Different Attitudes towards Disclosure
In some cultures, it is not appropriate to be frank about emotions, about the reasons behind a conflict or a misunderstanding, or about personal information. Keep this in mind when you are in a dialogue or when you are working with others. When you are dealing with a conflict, be mindful that people may differ in what they feel comfortable revealing. Questions that may seem natural to you -- What was the conflict about? What was your role in the conflict? What was the sequence of events? -- may seem intrusive to others. The variation among cultures in attitudes toward disclosure is also something to consider before you conclude that you have an accurate reading of the views, experiences, and goals of the people with whom you are working.

6. Different Approaches to Knowing
Notable differences occur among cultural groups when it comes to the ways people come to know things. Recent popular works demonstrate that our own society is paying more attention to previously overlooked ways of knowing. Indeed, these different approaches to knowing could affect ways of analyzing a community problem or finding ways to resolve it. Some members of your group may want to do library research to understand a shared problem better and identify possible solutions. Others may prefer to visit places and people who have experienced challenges like the ones you are facing, and get a feeling for what has worked elsewhere.

Always, ask yourself how culture may be shaping your own reactions, and try to see the world from others' points of view.

Rubini Chandra Sekharan