How to Manage Conflict Effectively?

The first step is to STOP what you are doing. Especially stop talking. It will be impossible to reduce the conflict without stopping to listen to the other person. Do not try to defend yourself or your position. You may not have an accurate understanding of what the conflict is until you have taken the opportunity to hear what the other person has to say.

The second step is to listen to the other person. Pay attention to what is being said. You want to understand their position and their point of view. Do their words or expressions show their emotions? You will be more successful at defusing the situation if you plan your response with consideration of the other person’s emotions. It is particularly helpful to find something in what the other person says that you can agree with, so listen carefully.

The third step is very important. Before you start to speak, THINK! Remember your goal is to reduce the level of conflict between you and the person with whom the conflict exists. Think about what the other person said and what they meant. Think about how the other person feels. Check on how you feel. It is very difficult to resolve conflicts when both people are angry. If the other person is angry, take a deep breath and actively work to keep yourself calm. Only after you are calm and have identified a plan that will reduce the level of conflict, should you open your mouth.

Whenever possible, begin by agreeing with some aspect of what the other person has expressed. If you agree that you would be upset if you were in the other person’s shoes, you have identified a good starting point. Then you want to follow your plan for presenting your point of view on the conflict in a calm and rational manner. You can increase the likelihood that you are presenting your point of view in a manner that will reduce conflict by using “I statements”. It is more difficult, but not impossible, to increase conflict with another person when stating your thoughts and feelings by beginning with an “I statement".



Prepared by,
Lok Yee Wei