Hi guys, as I said in my first few post about self disclosure. Let me repeat again, self-disclosure is how we revel our information about ourselve.
Maybe everyone of us don't know what make us find a friend in a strange place. As we human got one thing special about us is we can communicate and we need to communicate. At a place, we tend to make friends.
Most of us try to find and share a common interest, this will help us easily to disclose more information and build relationships. Beside that, an event also can helps to build relationships as the situation will help us to disclose ourself , our ability and our personality as well.
The principle is very easy here. The more we disclose ourselve, the more easy for us to make friends! haha good luck in making friends from today onward.
Hong Chun
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Depression
Depression is where we reach the deepest track in our mind. Depression is a mental illness which make us feel sad and think of negative thoughts continuously. It make our world and life dark. It make us feel suffer and can't get rid of that easily.
Well, not many people have experience what we called ' depression' before, therefore is not easy to understand the feeling of the person that had depression before. Many people might asked, what's wrong with this person, everytime think of negative things only, haiz! Some of them , they rather to just leave this person aside, as they don't know what to do to communicate with this person. Some of them might stay beside this person, to help this person to get rid of the depression.
According to the scientific research that i read before, they said when we think of negative things, the negative things will come to your mind continuously. It is because our brain will produce some sort of chemical. In the same time, it is hard to stop us to think negative things as well. If this situation continue to occur, then this is where the person will most likely to experiences depression.
well, to a person who is having depression, there are few ways that can help us to communicate with that person. 1st, try to think positive about yourselve before talking to him. Secondly, when having conversation with him, try to give eye contact which is very important, because it will helps to give him an idea of we are listening and paying attention to him. Next, we need to listen empathically and we must know that the speaker's intention is good. Try not to make any judgement and analyse what is he trouble at, what is his main concern? Did he need attention from everyone? Did he need a friend who can talk to? etc.... then guide him slowly to think positive.
well, as a friend,it is hard to give treatment to a person who suffer depression, but at least, what we can do is to support and be there for him. IF it is possible, try to seek professional help, because they are the one who knows how to deal and guide the person to has a normal life again.
by hong chun
Well, not many people have experience what we called ' depression' before, therefore is not easy to understand the feeling of the person that had depression before. Many people might asked, what's wrong with this person, everytime think of negative things only, haiz! Some of them , they rather to just leave this person aside, as they don't know what to do to communicate with this person. Some of them might stay beside this person, to help this person to get rid of the depression.
According to the scientific research that i read before, they said when we think of negative things, the negative things will come to your mind continuously. It is because our brain will produce some sort of chemical. In the same time, it is hard to stop us to think negative things as well. If this situation continue to occur, then this is where the person will most likely to experiences depression.
well, to a person who is having depression, there are few ways that can help us to communicate with that person. 1st, try to think positive about yourselve before talking to him. Secondly, when having conversation with him, try to give eye contact which is very important, because it will helps to give him an idea of we are listening and paying attention to him. Next, we need to listen empathically and we must know that the speaker's intention is good. Try not to make any judgement and analyse what is he trouble at, what is his main concern? Did he need attention from everyone? Did he need a friend who can talk to? etc.... then guide him slowly to think positive.
well, as a friend,it is hard to give treatment to a person who suffer depression, but at least, what we can do is to support and be there for him. IF it is possible, try to seek professional help, because they are the one who knows how to deal and guide the person to has a normal life again.
by hong chun
Sunday, November 8, 2009
a self disclosure sponge???
seriously, have you guys ever experience anything like this?? i don't mind much really but nowadays people seem to get more and more horrible..okay, here is my case.
I don't know why but i always find people coming up to me to tell stories off their wonderful life.They just come to me out of the blue and tell me this and that. At first, I felt weird but i listened all the same though keeping quiet most of the time and belief me, it can be real tiring!
It all started since form1 as i am a `pembimbing rakan sebaya'(PRS) where it is my duty to become the counsellor's extra ears. As it is part of my duty to listen ppl self disclose, I didn't really care how their treatment towards me was. Its my job afterall..I manages to hold on till form5.Here, i couldn't take it anymore. I had a major breakdown.
Therefore, after that,i came up with ways to cool myself down; the ways that i just wrote about just now to get rid of those things bottled in me. it really did help!
I find it fascinating and annoying as i really don't know why people come to me and just self disclose...I don't have a label on me that says self disclosure sponge have I?? ohya, the most interesting among all these self disclosers is my former class teacher. Being in her class, I am used to her always asking us to help her with her work. During these times, she used to tell me how she feel of our school and the problems she faces from her colleagues. Considering the fact that she is always fair and just and likes helping the students, she is not very popular among the other teachers.
Even now in college, people still tend to do that to me. The part that I hate most is that, after their self disclosure, they just dump you aside. When you have problems and need help, they don't even want to look at you! When they need you, its all honey and flowers to you...argh...sick...but then again, through these self disclosure sessions, i found my few bffs and i'm glad to say that they have so far stayed with me through thick and thin. if they didn't tell me how they feel, i wouldn't have known that we have so much in common.
through listening to these self disclosures too, i get to learn a lot from their situations and problems they face. hence, when i face it myself, i'm more prepared. I also realise that each person has his or her worries and it is wrong for us to perceive what a person's life is like for you really don't know what they are going through. matters that seem simple and uminportant to us may be a big issue for others, vice versa.
I don't know why but i always find people coming up to me to tell stories off their wonderful life.They just come to me out of the blue and tell me this and that. At first, I felt weird but i listened all the same though keeping quiet most of the time and belief me, it can be real tiring!
It all started since form1 as i am a `pembimbing rakan sebaya'(PRS) where it is my duty to become the counsellor's extra ears. As it is part of my duty to listen ppl self disclose, I didn't really care how their treatment towards me was. Its my job afterall..I manages to hold on till form5.Here, i couldn't take it anymore. I had a major breakdown.
Therefore, after that,i came up with ways to cool myself down; the ways that i just wrote about just now to get rid of those things bottled in me. it really did help!
I find it fascinating and annoying as i really don't know why people come to me and just self disclose...I don't have a label on me that says self disclosure sponge have I?? ohya, the most interesting among all these self disclosers is my former class teacher. Being in her class, I am used to her always asking us to help her with her work. During these times, she used to tell me how she feel of our school and the problems she faces from her colleagues. Considering the fact that she is always fair and just and likes helping the students, she is not very popular among the other teachers.
Even now in college, people still tend to do that to me. The part that I hate most is that, after their self disclosure, they just dump you aside. When you have problems and need help, they don't even want to look at you! When they need you, its all honey and flowers to you...argh...sick...but then again, through these self disclosure sessions, i found my few bffs and i'm glad to say that they have so far stayed with me through thick and thin. if they didn't tell me how they feel, i wouldn't have known that we have so much in common.
through listening to these self disclosures too, i get to learn a lot from their situations and problems they face. hence, when i face it myself, i'm more prepared. I also realise that each person has his or her worries and it is wrong for us to perceive what a person's life is like for you really don't know what they are going through. matters that seem simple and uminportant to us may be a big issue for others, vice versa.
7 ways to tell a secret safely =P
Hmmm....ever felt like exploding with too many secrets in you?? ever felt like telling your bestie about this teeny-weeny secret but scared she'll wag it out?? Well, here are some solutions =P choose one and it'll help. save you from banging your head at the wall and make you a good secret keeper. XD
1. Spill the beans!!! Say it out!!!
really, i mean it!!! you need to get it out of your head or else you'll suffer the rest of the day. say it and tell it to your bestie since childhood; your TEDDY!!! rofl... see, you can trust it can't you?? it will never tell others your secrets! well, it does not necessarily need to be a teddy; a bunny, wormy, ducky, doggy, anything that resembles a living thing =) give it a try ya...
2. Balloons fly high~~~^^
remember! buy a balloon! don't act smart and blow one yourself for the balloon won't fly XD
okay, buy a balloon and get a marker pen. ready? Start writing all the secrets you have on the balloon and secure a string to it after you are done. open your window and let the string go! be sure to watch the balloon as it rise higher and higher till it disappears. this will make you feel as though the secret has disappeared just like the balloons...^^
3. Burned to ashes...O.o
okay...you find talking to your cuddly friend and letting balloons too over the board. well, here is something normal on board! =P get a piece of paper and start writing. pour your heart out on the paper..it doesn't matter...then get a lighter and set it on fire! hahaha...you would be so relieved to see the secrets smouldering away^^ but be careful not to burn the house down ya^^
4. Fly kites fly~~~ ^^
this is very much like the balloons method~~~buy a kite...write secrets on it and let it go...but this may be more dangerous as the kite might end up at the balcony of the person you wrote about..lol..so be careful and find out which way the wind is blowing ya...
5. Shout and flush! XD
feel like bursting?? fret not...get into the toilet, lock the door and look at the toilet bowl...shout everything you want to say into the bowl and then flush! lo and behold, you just leaked a secret safely...ohya, of course the toilet i mentioned here is the one at home=) don't go screaming in school ya or it'll be disaster ^^
6. I blog, u blog, everbody blog...=P
you can write them down in your blog so as to not forget them altogether. however, the blog must be set to private or else it s not much of a difference from publishing your story in the newspaper! ^^ so be carefull..
7. dear diary....^^
last but not least...is to keep a diary...really, i don't recommend this very much to anyone!! I find this method very dangerous! anyone who came upon your diary will be able to read the contents! it is very good in the sense of self reflective but still...=S my bro once read my diary and omg! i can't tell you how embarassed i am!!! argh...
Well, here are the seven ways to let the secret out but hurt no one!!! cool huh?? i personally uses 1,3,5,6, and 7 respectively..^^ and they worked...you feel much lighter after that...so, give it a try ya^^ no more self torture or betrayal anymore! =)
1. Spill the beans!!! Say it out!!!
really, i mean it!!! you need to get it out of your head or else you'll suffer the rest of the day. say it and tell it to your bestie since childhood; your TEDDY!!! rofl... see, you can trust it can't you?? it will never tell others your secrets! well, it does not necessarily need to be a teddy; a bunny, wormy, ducky, doggy, anything that resembles a living thing =) give it a try ya...
2. Balloons fly high~~~^^
remember! buy a balloon! don't act smart and blow one yourself for the balloon won't fly XD
okay, buy a balloon and get a marker pen. ready? Start writing all the secrets you have on the balloon and secure a string to it after you are done. open your window and let the string go! be sure to watch the balloon as it rise higher and higher till it disappears. this will make you feel as though the secret has disappeared just like the balloons...^^
3. Burned to ashes...O.o
okay...you find talking to your cuddly friend and letting balloons too over the board. well, here is something normal on board! =P get a piece of paper and start writing. pour your heart out on the paper..it doesn't matter...then get a lighter and set it on fire! hahaha...you would be so relieved to see the secrets smouldering away^^ but be careful not to burn the house down ya^^
4. Fly kites fly~~~ ^^
this is very much like the balloons method~~~buy a kite...write secrets on it and let it go...but this may be more dangerous as the kite might end up at the balcony of the person you wrote about..lol..so be careful and find out which way the wind is blowing ya...
5. Shout and flush! XD
feel like bursting?? fret not...get into the toilet, lock the door and look at the toilet bowl...shout everything you want to say into the bowl and then flush! lo and behold, you just leaked a secret safely...ohya, of course the toilet i mentioned here is the one at home=) don't go screaming in school ya or it'll be disaster ^^
6. I blog, u blog, everbody blog...=P
you can write them down in your blog so as to not forget them altogether. however, the blog must be set to private or else it s not much of a difference from publishing your story in the newspaper! ^^ so be carefull..
7. dear diary....^^
last but not least...is to keep a diary...really, i don't recommend this very much to anyone!! I find this method very dangerous! anyone who came upon your diary will be able to read the contents! it is very good in the sense of self reflective but still...=S my bro once read my diary and omg! i can't tell you how embarassed i am!!! argh...
Well, here are the seven ways to let the secret out but hurt no one!!! cool huh?? i personally uses 1,3,5,6, and 7 respectively..^^ and they worked...you feel much lighter after that...so, give it a try ya^^ no more self torture or betrayal anymore! =)
How to make your crowds listen to you from the begining?
Well , the hardest thing to do in public speaking is to make your crowds listen to you from the begining. Initially, the first impression is the most important for the speaker to his/her audience. If the starting part is successful, this will motivate the crowds to listen to the speaker, opposite results will occur if the speaker fail to do so.
So there are few ways to start in a public speaking.
1) The speaker can introduce him/herself and let them know how the topic will help and benefits to them.
2) Let them know how long the speaker going to take for the speech.
3)Start with a game, ice breaking that will motivate and listen to the speaker.
4) Start with a joke or an interesting story.
With these ways, this will motivate the crowds to listen to the speaker as the crowds learn how interesting the content going to be . thank you
By Hong Chun,chrno
So there are few ways to start in a public speaking.
1) The speaker can introduce him/herself and let them know how the topic will help and benefits to them.
2) Let them know how long the speaker going to take for the speech.
3)Start with a game, ice breaking that will motivate and listen to the speaker.
4) Start with a joke or an interesting story.
With these ways, this will motivate the crowds to listen to the speaker as the crowds learn how interesting the content going to be . thank you
By Hong Chun,chrno
public speaking once my fear
Hey guys and girls, today i would like to talk about public speaking in my life. I was once fear about public speak, especially when i need to speak in front of alot of crowds.
Back then, I was very nervous when I had joined a speech competition during my primary school. I learned and kept practised hard so that I could prepared for the competition. That day, I remembered that I was scared when I stood on the stage facing hundreds of people in a hall. What I had done was , I told myself that I will make! I gave out my courage and spoke it out. From primary till college life, as I grew up, I learnt the fear, seek for the fear and overcome it. Of course to say that it was hard to overcome the fear of public speaking, but as long as we are determined and gave out the courage to talk, people will listen to us.
Let see how i learnt my fear of public speaking. Firstly, I list out the main point that what i want to talk for the public speaking. Then, I plan how to start and end my speech. After that I keep practice by using mirror or to myself to listen. Lastly, challenge my fear, I keep told myself that I can do it! I will make my crowds to listen to what I said! This is how i overcome my fear of public speaking.
By Hong Chun, Chrno
Back then, I was very nervous when I had joined a speech competition during my primary school. I learned and kept practised hard so that I could prepared for the competition. That day, I remembered that I was scared when I stood on the stage facing hundreds of people in a hall. What I had done was , I told myself that I will make! I gave out my courage and spoke it out. From primary till college life, as I grew up, I learnt the fear, seek for the fear and overcome it. Of course to say that it was hard to overcome the fear of public speaking, but as long as we are determined and gave out the courage to talk, people will listen to us.
Let see how i learnt my fear of public speaking. Firstly, I list out the main point that what i want to talk for the public speaking. Then, I plan how to start and end my speech. After that I keep practice by using mirror or to myself to listen. Lastly, challenge my fear, I keep told myself that I can do it! I will make my crowds to listen to what I said! This is how i overcome my fear of public speaking.
By Hong Chun, Chrno
Roles and common mistakes
Nonverbal communication cues can play five roles:
- Repetition: they can repeat the message the person is making verbally
- Contradiction: they can contradict a message the individual is trying to convey
- Substitution: they can substitute for a verbal message. For example, a person's eyes can often convey a far more vivid message than words and often do
- Complementing: they may add to or complement a verbal message. A boss who pats a person on the back in addition to giving praise can increase the impact of the message
- Accenting: they may accent or underline a verbal message. Pounding the table, for example, can underline a message.
- You’re not subtle. Be objective about your own observations to make sure you aren’t offending others by broadly mimicking their speech or behavior. Remember, most people instinctively send and interpret nonverbal signals all the time, so don’t assume you’re the only one who’s aware of nonverbal undercurrents. Finally, stay true to yourself. Be aware of your own natural style, and don’t adopt behavior that is incompatible with it.
- You bluff. Thinking you can bluff by deliberately altering your body language can do more harm than good. Unless you’re a proficient actor, it will be hard to overcome your body’s inability to lie. There will always be mixed messages, signs that your channels of communication are not congruent. It’s a prime example of leakage, and something others will detect, one way or another.
- You rush to accuse based on body language alone. Incorrect accusations based on erroneous observations can be embarrassing and damaging and take a long time to overcome. Always verify your interpretation with another communications channel before rushing in. You could say something like, “I get the feeling you’re uncomfortable with this course of action. Would you like to add something to the discussion?” This should draw out the real message and force the individual to come clean or to adjust his or her body language.
Posted by Lok Yee Wei
TOUCH
- USA — handshake is common (even for strangers), hugs, kisses for those of opposite gender or of family (usually) on an increasingly more intimate basis. Note differences between African-Americans and Anglos in USA. Most African Americans touch on greeting but are annoyed if touched on the head (good boy, good girl overtones).
- Islamic and Hindu: typically don’t touch with the left hand. To do so is a social insult. Left hand is for toilet functions. Mannerly in India to break your bread only with your right hand (sometimes difficult for non-Indians)
- Islamic cultures generally don’t approve of any touching between genders (even hand shakes). But consider such touching (including hand holding, hugs) between same-sex to be appropriate.
- Many Asians don’t touch the head (Head houses the soul and a touch puts it in jeopardy).
Question: Why do we touch, where do we touch, and what meanings do we assign when someone else touches us?
- Illustration: An African-American male goes into a convenience store recently taken over by new Korean immigrants. He gives a $20 bill for his purchase to Mrs Cho who is cashier and waits for his change. He is upset when his change is put down on the counter in front of him.
What is the problem? Traditional Korean (and many other Asian countries) don’t touch strangers., especially between members of the opposite sex. But the African-American sees this as another example of discrimination (not touching him because he is black).
Basic answer: Touch is culturally determined! But each culture has a clear concept of what parts of the body one may not touch. Basic message of touch is to affect or control — protect, support, disapprove (i.e. hug, kiss, hit, kick).
Basic patterns: Cultures (English , German, Scandinavian, Chinese, Japanese) with high emotional restraint concepts have little public touch; those which encourage emotion (Latino, Middle-East, Jewish) accept frequent touches.
Posted by,
Lok Yee Wei
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Relationship or Social Groups
Interestingly enough, I just found out that family members are actually classified as a member of this type of group. It is called the relationship or social group. All these while, I have always thought family as itself; that it is not classified under anything. But alas, it is. A relationship or social group also includes friends and neighbors or basically any group that you sought affiliation, affirmation, and affection from.
The group is practically where you will pour out your feelings and emotions. This type of small group may last forever or sometimes may only last a year or two. For example, my family is a group that is long lasting whereas the group of college friends that I'm with now is short term as it may only last as long as we are still in the same college.
The development of my self-concept is largely based on my strong identification and participation with the members of these groups. In other words, they form who I will be. So, be careful of the your own relationship or social groups as they very much influence who you become.
The group is practically where you will pour out your feelings and emotions. This type of small group may last forever or sometimes may only last a year or two. For example, my family is a group that is long lasting whereas the group of college friends that I'm with now is short term as it may only last as long as we are still in the same college.
The development of my self-concept is largely based on my strong identification and participation with the members of these groups. In other words, they form who I will be. So, be careful of the your own relationship or social groups as they very much influence who you become.
Evaluation in Conflict Management
Evaluation is one of the conflict management strategies. I'm amazed by how simple words like `I' and `You' can create a different reaction altogether from every person.
Evaluative You-Messages
- You never reveal your feelings.
- You just don't plan ahead.
- You never call me.
Descriptive I-Messages
- I sure would like hearing how you feel about this.
- I need to know what our schedule for the next few days will be.
- I'd enjoy hearing from you more often.
Simple and easy but unfortunately, people tend to only use the evaluative you-messages as they always like to save their own face. Recently, I have tried applying the use of both type of messages in my conversations and I found the results amazing. The difference in reaction is evident. Here is how the conversations sound like :
Friend A : Hey, lets online together tonight, then we chat till morning =)
Me : Sure anot?? You never online before also...
Friend A : WHAT??! I online everyday okay!!! You are the one who didn't online!
Me : Got la...I online every night...around 9pm...everyday sure got but never see you also..
Friend A : WEI!!! That's the prob la...I online 3pm onwards till around dinner time! You online later at night...How you see me??? Ask properly first la...
Me : oops...sorry sorry....okay....sorry a...
Well, disastrous isn't it? For all I know, friend A was uber pissed with me that day. Argh...Felt so bad...okay, let's continue with the I-messages...
Friend B : Hey, why you look so down today?
Me : Didn't I tell you?
Friend B : No, I don't think so...I was kinda busy this whole week remember...we hardly met la...
Me : Yeah, I remember...I would really like to confide to you my problems but sometimes I feel bad bothering you.
Friend B : awwwww.......Don't say like that...I would be more than happy if you are willing to share your secrets or problems with me...So, no matter how busy, I will give sometime...well, what are friends for if not to support you when you're down??
Me : Thanks a lot dear...
So, saw the difference in reaction? When you use the you-messages, people become all defensive of themselves straightaway as they see it as a form of personal attack. They react in a way to protect their image or save their own face. On the other hand, the I-messages focuses on the speaker than the receiver, thus the feeling of being attacked head on does not exist. Therefore, the person reacts more warmly to you as their defense is not on alert. Hence, you can see that using I-messages is way better than using you-messages. At least it reduces conflicts and maintains relationships. =)
Evaluative You-Messages
- You never reveal your feelings.
- You just don't plan ahead.
- You never call me.
Descriptive I-Messages
- I sure would like hearing how you feel about this.
- I need to know what our schedule for the next few days will be.
- I'd enjoy hearing from you more often.
Simple and easy but unfortunately, people tend to only use the evaluative you-messages as they always like to save their own face. Recently, I have tried applying the use of both type of messages in my conversations and I found the results amazing. The difference in reaction is evident. Here is how the conversations sound like :
Friend A : Hey, lets online together tonight, then we chat till morning =)
Me : Sure anot?? You never online before also...
Friend A : WHAT??! I online everyday okay!!! You are the one who didn't online!
Me : Got la...I online every night...around 9pm...everyday sure got but never see you also..
Friend A : WEI!!! That's the prob la...I online 3pm onwards till around dinner time! You online later at night...How you see me??? Ask properly first la...
Me : oops...sorry sorry....okay....sorry a...
Well, disastrous isn't it? For all I know, friend A was uber pissed with me that day. Argh...Felt so bad...okay, let's continue with the I-messages...
Friend B : Hey, why you look so down today?
Me : Didn't I tell you?
Friend B : No, I don't think so...I was kinda busy this whole week remember...we hardly met la...
Me : Yeah, I remember...I would really like to confide to you my problems but sometimes I feel bad bothering you.
Friend B : awwwww.......Don't say like that...I would be more than happy if you are willing to share your secrets or problems with me...So, no matter how busy, I will give sometime...well, what are friends for if not to support you when you're down??
Me : Thanks a lot dear...
So, saw the difference in reaction? When you use the you-messages, people become all defensive of themselves straightaway as they see it as a form of personal attack. They react in a way to protect their image or save their own face. On the other hand, the I-messages focuses on the speaker than the receiver, thus the feeling of being attacked head on does not exist. Therefore, the person reacts more warmly to you as their defense is not on alert. Hence, you can see that using I-messages is way better than using you-messages. At least it reduces conflicts and maintains relationships. =)
Group's communication
Well what is a group ? A group is the people who share the same interest or goal and form a group out of the population. The amount of people in a group is not limited to an exact amount. A group is formed when there is a task that need to be done. Therefore, communications are very important.
There are few ways of communication that determine whether a group can successfully fulfill its goal or not. One of the ways is face-to-face discussion. This involved where every member in the group are involving their thoughts and share their conflict and ideas.This also involves verbal and non-verbal cues to enhance the meaning of their ideas and would not cause misunderstanding. This way is the most effective way of communication in a group that can helps to solve problem and conflict.
Another way of communication is through online services. For modern technology era, human are no longer have to wait for days or months just for a short reply and feedback. Nowadays, human can communicate through instant messenger and e-mail. This way is fast and easy for a long distance communication. However it could easily cause misunderstanding, because it does not contain non-verbal communication that support verbal communication. We do not know the tone of the words. For example, "No lah" can be mean as normal way of saying due to the culture. However, it could be misinterpret as angry tone, such as NO LAH could be mean as getting annoyed or angry. Therefore this ways are not really effective compare to face-to-face communication.
There are few ways of communication that determine whether a group can successfully fulfill its goal or not. One of the ways is face-to-face discussion. This involved where every member in the group are involving their thoughts and share their conflict and ideas.This also involves verbal and non-verbal cues to enhance the meaning of their ideas and would not cause misunderstanding. This way is the most effective way of communication in a group that can helps to solve problem and conflict.
Another way of communication is through online services. For modern technology era, human are no longer have to wait for days or months just for a short reply and feedback. Nowadays, human can communicate through instant messenger and e-mail. This way is fast and easy for a long distance communication. However it could easily cause misunderstanding, because it does not contain non-verbal communication that support verbal communication. We do not know the tone of the words. For example, "No lah" can be mean as normal way of saying due to the culture. However, it could be misinterpret as angry tone, such as NO LAH could be mean as getting annoyed or angry. Therefore this ways are not really effective compare to face-to-face communication.
Great power comes with great responsibility
In every organisation exists, majority of the people would like to become a leader if they were given a chance to become one. Why they will wish to be leader? Well, I cant answer that in definite answer. Different people have their own different reason to become a leader. Anyways, just wanted to say that great power comes with great responsibility. It was well said and it is the truth of becoming a leader. As a leader, he/she holds the power to control, in the same time, he/she has to make a decision wheather is painful or good decision. As a leader, he/she will able to lead with his/her ability and personality. Sometimes, a difficult situation will make/push us to take step to become a leader. One of the example is,
Well, I'm sure that most of us know what is spiderman and the origin of the spiderman. He was just a normal and simple human. Well this was't last till when he got his power after he got stung by a unique spider and he gained a new power. Initially, he did not use his power wisely and use his power to get money. His uncle knew that he was misused his power, and told him that great power comes with great resposiblity.
He did not listened till things had changed when his uncle was died due to a gun shot by a bad guy. He was angry and chased after the bad guy. He beaten up the bad guy and he wanted to get revenge for his uncle. However, he did not kill the bad guy as he knew that even though he kill the bad guy, he would not bring his uncle back. This was the hardest decision that he had to make as he had the power to kill the bad guy. Instead of killling the bad guy, he arrested the bad guy while waiting for police to capture the bad guy.
From that day onwards, he remember the words that his uncle said which was great power comes with great resposiblity, with his power gained, he had picked up his responsiblity as one of the super hero to save the world.
As you can see, spiderman was one of the leaders that emerge out his leadership due to significant change of situation and events. He was well respected leader and everyone knew that with his power, he took up the responsibility to save the world from criminals.
Spiderman
Well, I'm sure that most of us know what is spiderman and the origin of the spiderman. He was just a normal and simple human. Well this was't last till when he got his power after he got stung by a unique spider and he gained a new power. Initially, he did not use his power wisely and use his power to get money. His uncle knew that he was misused his power, and told him that great power comes with great resposiblity.
He did not listened till things had changed when his uncle was died due to a gun shot by a bad guy. He was angry and chased after the bad guy. He beaten up the bad guy and he wanted to get revenge for his uncle. However, he did not kill the bad guy as he knew that even though he kill the bad guy, he would not bring his uncle back. This was the hardest decision that he had to make as he had the power to kill the bad guy. Instead of killling the bad guy, he arrested the bad guy while waiting for police to capture the bad guy.
From that day onwards, he remember the words that his uncle said which was great power comes with great resposiblity, with his power gained, he had picked up his responsiblity as one of the super hero to save the world.
As you can see, spiderman was one of the leaders that emerge out his leadership due to significant change of situation and events. He was well respected leader and everyone knew that with his power, he took up the responsibility to save the world from criminals.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Communication process
Communication seems so natural and one generally assumes that there is no need of working on it. It is so untrue. Most fights or arguments with spouses, children or friends are the result of bad communication. How much of an argument is caused by ineffective communication? How much of what is said is taken in the wrong context? How much of the meaning was changed or lost? How much was totally misunderstood or came out wrong? All of those are examples of broken communication.
Communication is a process and as such contains many elements susceptible of defect. Here are the elements of the communication process (see picture):
- A message: what need to be communicated
- A messenger: the person who has something to communicate
- A receiver: the person who will receive the message
- Encoding: verbal and non-verbal convention of communication
- Decoding: reading by the receiver of the encoding done by the messenger
- Channel: the means of communication
This process works as follows: The messenger has something to communicate, a message. This message has an intent. The messenger will encode his message with words, behaviour and body language that he senses will help him to best communicate this message according to his intent. The message will go through a channel, a means of communication such as e-mail, face to face or phone conversation, letter, presentation. The receiver will then decode the message using conventions, cultural or contextual background, and language skills. The message he receives might or might not meet the intent of the messenger.
POSTED BY,
LOK YEE WEI
LOK YEE WEI
Sunday, October 18, 2009
persuasive language
Persuasive language makes you do or think something. It could be the words on a chocolate wrapper which tempt you to buy a particular brand. Or the word on a newspaper, encouraging you to vote for someone.
Well, I personally regard persuasive language as a form of language that makes a person do what you want them to do; in other words to influence or manipulate others. In our daily life, we can see persuasive being used everywhere. We also use it quite a lot ourselves I think.
When you are pestering your parents to let you go somewhere, begging your lecturer to postpone the deadline of assignments, asking a favor from a friend, selling things to others, etc; you are definitely using persuasive language. Thus, it is obvious that persuasive language is very important and useful.
So, the other day, I was having lunch with a group of friends when we were approached by a guy who claims to be from UCSI University College. He is trying to help unfortunate children find sponsers or trying to collect money through selling stickers. Having donated once already, me and my friends told him that we are not interested anymore.
I was pissed when he answered `wah, help children also not interested ah!' WHAT???? He wants us to donate some money...He is trying to do so but don't you think the language he used is inappropriate?! Instead of giving his cause a second thought, we totally cut him off after hearing whay he said! Seriously, he should go for persuasive language classes!
If he were more patient and polite, one of us may have donated to the organizaton..We wouldn't be angry with him and start shoo-ing him away. Therefore, I think people in the sales line or in this case; charitable line should have good knowledge on persuasive language as it will help them in their career.
Well, I personally regard persuasive language as a form of language that makes a person do what you want them to do; in other words to influence or manipulate others. In our daily life, we can see persuasive being used everywhere. We also use it quite a lot ourselves I think.
When you are pestering your parents to let you go somewhere, begging your lecturer to postpone the deadline of assignments, asking a favor from a friend, selling things to others, etc; you are definitely using persuasive language. Thus, it is obvious that persuasive language is very important and useful.
So, the other day, I was having lunch with a group of friends when we were approached by a guy who claims to be from UCSI University College. He is trying to help unfortunate children find sponsers or trying to collect money through selling stickers. Having donated once already, me and my friends told him that we are not interested anymore.
I was pissed when he answered `wah, help children also not interested ah!' WHAT???? He wants us to donate some money...He is trying to do so but don't you think the language he used is inappropriate?! Instead of giving his cause a second thought, we totally cut him off after hearing whay he said! Seriously, he should go for persuasive language classes!
If he were more patient and polite, one of us may have donated to the organizaton..We wouldn't be angry with him and start shoo-ing him away. Therefore, I think people in the sales line or in this case; charitable line should have good knowledge on persuasive language as it will help them in their career.
when a girl likes a boy~~~
When she's with you, she will make attempts to touch your hand in a soft, light "bonding" kind of way. This touch can be reciprocated by you and should be taken as a signal from her that she's comfortable in your company, trusts you, and wants to get closer to you.
Shy girls play with their hair or fiddle with their dresses when they are with a guy they like. However, this is age-old wisdom. We're living in a world where girls fuzz up their hairstyles and all she might be doing is fixing a curl that's gone wrong. So watch carefully what she does to her hair before you conclude that she likes you.
If she looks at you with shining, adoring eyes every time you say something of consequence (or, even of little consequence) - then she likes you. If she locks eyes with you and then, maybe, looks down (or away) with a small angelic smile playing on her face, then she likes you, and when you run into her again and both of you smile at each other, then boy-oh-boy, she definitely likes you and wants to be in your company. But if she looks disinterested when you are talking to her, then she doesn't care much about you.
If her friends begin throwing curious glances at you and giggle nonchalantly, that indicates she's discussed you with her close circle of friends because she likes you. But, if her close circle of friends guffaw at you or pass snide remarks about you, then probably, she doesn't think highly of you.
If she likes you, she's going to blush for the first few times you are near her or when you speak to her. If she likes you, she's going to ape the way you talk and/or the way you move. If she likes you then she will make an attempt (or, several attempts) to try to talk to you. Then there's this crazy age-old theory that if a girl is sitting with her feet pointing towards you, she likes you; but if her feet are pointing away, then she literally wants to walk away from you.
so are these helpful?? LOL... seriously, i don't think these are very true.... XD anyways, enjoy...
*credits to - http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/how-to-tell-if-a-girl-likes-you-are-you-missing-out-on-these-key-signals-292307.html
Shy girls play with their hair or fiddle with their dresses when they are with a guy they like. However, this is age-old wisdom. We're living in a world where girls fuzz up their hairstyles and all she might be doing is fixing a curl that's gone wrong. So watch carefully what she does to her hair before you conclude that she likes you.
If she looks at you with shining, adoring eyes every time you say something of consequence (or, even of little consequence) - then she likes you. If she locks eyes with you and then, maybe, looks down (or away) with a small angelic smile playing on her face, then she likes you, and when you run into her again and both of you smile at each other, then boy-oh-boy, she definitely likes you and wants to be in your company. But if she looks disinterested when you are talking to her, then she doesn't care much about you.
If her friends begin throwing curious glances at you and giggle nonchalantly, that indicates she's discussed you with her close circle of friends because she likes you. But, if her close circle of friends guffaw at you or pass snide remarks about you, then probably, she doesn't think highly of you.
If she likes you, she's going to blush for the first few times you are near her or when you speak to her. If she likes you, she's going to ape the way you talk and/or the way you move. If she likes you then she will make an attempt (or, several attempts) to try to talk to you. Then there's this crazy age-old theory that if a girl is sitting with her feet pointing towards you, she likes you; but if her feet are pointing away, then she literally wants to walk away from you.
so are these helpful?? LOL... seriously, i don't think these are very true.... XD anyways, enjoy...
*credits to - http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/how-to-tell-if-a-girl-likes-you-are-you-missing-out-on-these-key-signals-292307.html
Sunday, October 11, 2009
When a boy likes a girl~~~
1) Minimal Eye Contact
He will stare at the girl if no one will know but he won't make direct eye contact for a while.
2) Sudden Shyness
Especially when the girl has been friends with the boy already. When he realised his feelings for her, he don't know what to do ;thus, the shyness. =)
3) Funnier Than Usual
After the shyness phase, the boy will be more brave. He will try to be funnier than usual and flirt with the girl subtly. He wants to see her smile and be closer to her so he will take every opportunity to make her laugh.
4) More Attentive Than Ever
He will be super attentive. If the girl ever mention liking cheese tarts, he will remember and give her a cheese tart when he has the chance. They are really fast and efficient when it comes to the girl they like. XD
5) A Permanent Escort
When a boy likes a girl, he acts like her personal bodyguard. Wherever she goes, he follows. The more enthralled the boy is, the more persistent he becomes. Goodness! Like a stalker. LOL Well, he just want to protect her that's all.
So, take note of the guys around you ya! You might be suprised ... =) You may also find out who is after your friends too.. LOL =)
*credits to http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/
He will stare at the girl if no one will know but he won't make direct eye contact for a while.
2) Sudden Shyness
Especially when the girl has been friends with the boy already. When he realised his feelings for her, he don't know what to do ;thus, the shyness. =)
3) Funnier Than Usual
After the shyness phase, the boy will be more brave. He will try to be funnier than usual and flirt with the girl subtly. He wants to see her smile and be closer to her so he will take every opportunity to make her laugh.
4) More Attentive Than Ever
He will be super attentive. If the girl ever mention liking cheese tarts, he will remember and give her a cheese tart when he has the chance. They are really fast and efficient when it comes to the girl they like. XD
5) A Permanent Escort
When a boy likes a girl, he acts like her personal bodyguard. Wherever she goes, he follows. The more enthralled the boy is, the more persistent he becomes. Goodness! Like a stalker. LOL Well, he just want to protect her that's all.
So, take note of the guys around you ya! You might be suprised ... =) You may also find out who is after your friends too.. LOL =)
*credits to http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/
Conflict styles
In our life, there are few conflict styles. Conflict stlyes means how is the conflicts work and how is the outcome. The few conflict styles are competing, avoiding, accommodation, collaborating and compromising.
Well I would like to say that when I communicate with different people, I will have to use different type of conflict styles when I deal conflicts with them.
Competing - a conflict styles where one side is win and another side is lose.( not recommend to use because it can cause damages to other people)
Eg: When I deal with a person who is really annuoying and keep want to argue with me, I will just say out those angry words.
Avoiding- a conflict style where both parties also lose.
Eg: I were once have a deep conflict with one of my friend when i was in primary school. As the results, both of us are not contacting each other and this has spoiled our friendships.
Accommodating- a conflict style where I lose you win situation.
Eg: When I had conflict with my family which I had to go some places but they don't allow. I had no choice and not to go out that day.
Collaborating- A conflict style where everyone wins.
Eg: When my two little brother were fighting each other because of the last piece of birthday cake, I had to stop them. With the equal sharing, I cut the cake into half and gave it to both of them.
Compromising- A conflict where they share wins and loses.
Eg: When I argue with my girl friend due to dissatifaction of certain factors, I compromising with her. Certain things I will agreed and respects, in return she also limits certain things and respects my feeling.
By Hong Chun
Well I would like to say that when I communicate with different people, I will have to use different type of conflict styles when I deal conflicts with them.
Competing - a conflict styles where one side is win and another side is lose.( not recommend to use because it can cause damages to other people)
Eg: When I deal with a person who is really annuoying and keep want to argue with me, I will just say out those angry words.
Avoiding- a conflict style where both parties also lose.
Eg: I were once have a deep conflict with one of my friend when i was in primary school. As the results, both of us are not contacting each other and this has spoiled our friendships.
Accommodating- a conflict style where I lose you win situation.
Eg: When I had conflict with my family which I had to go some places but they don't allow. I had no choice and not to go out that day.
Collaborating- A conflict style where everyone wins.
Eg: When my two little brother were fighting each other because of the last piece of birthday cake, I had to stop them. With the equal sharing, I cut the cake into half and gave it to both of them.
Compromising- A conflict where they share wins and loses.
Eg: When I argue with my girl friend due to dissatifaction of certain factors, I compromising with her. Certain things I will agreed and respects, in return she also limits certain things and respects my feeling.
By Hong Chun
Social networking
Social networking – a shift in the way we communicate
Facebook, Friendster, Twitter, Youtube, blogspot and many others social networking web tools had actually shift the way we communicate. We can make friends with strangers or contact with friends via just a 'CLICK'. We can even update our current status and feelings by using the social networking tools.In other words, we are actually revealing our private messages to unknown people and increase the risk of our personal safety. But we are still enjoy in social networking because we can always see others status and keep ourselves update. Yet, this impose a problems which we used to communicate on social networking which we do not really keep in touch in real life. The trend now is people stay at house and starts to online networking. There is a big gap between social in networking and the real situation.
Blogging is also a type of social networking which slowly take place the pose of diary. We tend to share our feelings, daily routine life, camwhore photos, and secrets as well via blogging. Popularity also can be gain by blogging which someone else would like to start up their online business.
Social networking is a very huge network and full of complexity. It provides a very good opportunity for business startup. We can connect with peoples from different backgrounds, culture, races not only for personal sharing. It is also big chance to sell your products and services. That's why many big international companies involved in this social networking line to match the current trend and pattern.
Prepared by,
LOK YEE WEI
How to Manage Conflict Effectively?
The first step is to STOP what you are doing. Especially stop talking. It will be impossible to reduce the conflict without stopping to listen to the other person. Do not try to defend yourself or your position. You may not have an accurate understanding of what the conflict is until you have taken the opportunity to hear what the other person has to say.
The second step is to listen to the other person. Pay attention to what is being said. You want to understand their position and their point of view. Do their words or expressions show their emotions? You will be more successful at defusing the situation if you plan your response with consideration of the other person’s emotions. It is particularly helpful to find something in what the other person says that you can agree with, so listen carefully.
The third step is very important. Before you start to speak, THINK! Remember your goal is to reduce the level of conflict between you and the person with whom the conflict exists. Think about what the other person said and what they meant. Think about how the other person feels. Check on how you feel. It is very difficult to resolve conflicts when both people are angry. If the other person is angry, take a deep breath and actively work to keep yourself calm. Only after you are calm and have identified a plan that will reduce the level of conflict, should you open your mouth.
Whenever possible, begin by agreeing with some aspect of what the other person has expressed. If you agree that you would be upset if you were in the other person’s shoes, you have identified a good starting point. Then you want to follow your plan for presenting your point of view on the conflict in a calm and rational manner. You can increase the likelihood that you are presenting your point of view in a manner that will reduce conflict by using “I statements”. It is more difficult, but not impossible, to increase conflict with another person when stating your thoughts and feelings by beginning with an “I statement".
Prepared by,
Lok Yee Wei
The second step is to listen to the other person. Pay attention to what is being said. You want to understand their position and their point of view. Do their words or expressions show their emotions? You will be more successful at defusing the situation if you plan your response with consideration of the other person’s emotions. It is particularly helpful to find something in what the other person says that you can agree with, so listen carefully.
The third step is very important. Before you start to speak, THINK! Remember your goal is to reduce the level of conflict between you and the person with whom the conflict exists. Think about what the other person said and what they meant. Think about how the other person feels. Check on how you feel. It is very difficult to resolve conflicts when both people are angry. If the other person is angry, take a deep breath and actively work to keep yourself calm. Only after you are calm and have identified a plan that will reduce the level of conflict, should you open your mouth.
Whenever possible, begin by agreeing with some aspect of what the other person has expressed. If you agree that you would be upset if you were in the other person’s shoes, you have identified a good starting point. Then you want to follow your plan for presenting your point of view on the conflict in a calm and rational manner. You can increase the likelihood that you are presenting your point of view in a manner that will reduce conflict by using “I statements”. It is more difficult, but not impossible, to increase conflict with another person when stating your thoughts and feelings by beginning with an “I statement".
Prepared by,
Lok Yee Wei
Conflict
In our life, as long we interact with other people, conflict will definitely exist. A conflict exists when someone is not satisfies and misunderstanding or when someone made wrong assumption about others. Conflict is not easy to dissolve. It requires understanding between both parties. Without agreement between both parties, conflict will never dissolved.
Well of cause, conlict has its own advantages and disadvantages. The advantages of the conflict are to satates both needs and wants, stabilizes relationships and get a deeper understanding of both sides. In contrast, the disadvantages of conflict will bring depletion of energy, increase negative feeling towards opponent, worst case if the conflict can't be solved, this will lead to further conflict and damges one's images.
In lifes, we meet a lot of conflicts with the people whom we communicate. For instance, I wanted to join psychology programme for my further studies, but initially, my dad was not so agree with what am i studying. Things ended up , we always argue each other whenever I mentioned about psychology programme. The conflict become deeper and was really hard to solve that time. He thought that by taking up psychology programme will hardly to get job when graduate. So i talked to him and asked him to meet counselor with me.
As through the process of meeting counselor, he provided us a lot information about psychology programme and answered my dad's question which was career in future. When he finally understand the availability of jobs in psychology in future is huge and wide, this clear his assumption towards psychology in career field as many people had been told that psychology field of job is not wide in this country. After that day, my dad agreed and supported me to study psychology at HELP.
This is how I solved my conflict by bringing him to see the counselor , so that the counselor can helped my dad to change his perspective ways of thinking towards job field in psychology.
by Hong Chun
Well of cause, conlict has its own advantages and disadvantages. The advantages of the conflict are to satates both needs and wants, stabilizes relationships and get a deeper understanding of both sides. In contrast, the disadvantages of conflict will bring depletion of energy, increase negative feeling towards opponent, worst case if the conflict can't be solved, this will lead to further conflict and damges one's images.
In lifes, we meet a lot of conflicts with the people whom we communicate. For instance, I wanted to join psychology programme for my further studies, but initially, my dad was not so agree with what am i studying. Things ended up , we always argue each other whenever I mentioned about psychology programme. The conflict become deeper and was really hard to solve that time. He thought that by taking up psychology programme will hardly to get job when graduate. So i talked to him and asked him to meet counselor with me.
As through the process of meeting counselor, he provided us a lot information about psychology programme and answered my dad's question which was career in future. When he finally understand the availability of jobs in psychology in future is huge and wide, this clear his assumption towards psychology in career field as many people had been told that psychology field of job is not wide in this country. After that day, my dad agreed and supported me to study psychology at HELP.
This is how I solved my conflict by bringing him to see the counselor , so that the counselor can helped my dad to change his perspective ways of thinking towards job field in psychology.
by Hong Chun
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Body language in Business...
The Space Around You
Standing gives you power! It looks as though you have a higher status than others. Moving around and taking up more space has the same effect too. So, stand if you can or if you have to seat, stretch your feet or rest your arms at the side of the chair.
Hand-to-Face Movements
Be aware of customers that hold their chin or scratch their face. It may mean that they are thinking of buying but they are worried if they have enough money or if they have chosen the right size,etc. So, here is where you jump in and tell them that they can buy the product on credit or they can exchange it if it's not suitable. In reality, customers usually don't ask and just leave when they are unsure. Therefore, recognising this form of body language is important for sales =)
Gestures
Actions can have more than one meaning, just like words. So, be careful of your actions as it can easily give away things about both you or the observer. A simple touch of the nose could mean that you/they aren't being truthful. Besides, people move their head a lot when talking; if you want to look powerful, keep head movements to a minimum.
How confident, secure and trusting you are can be known by how much you show your underbelly(your front). The lesser you fold your arms, cross your legs or raise your hands, the better you will feel. Folded arms may mean that you are trying to protect yourself and will look bad to the other person. You may think that the person is uninterested or feeling detached from your conversation when they fold their arms and cross their legs but when the opposite occurs, you will think that the person is accepting your issue.
How confident, secure and trusting you are can be known by how much you show your underbelly(your front). The lesser you fold your arms, cross your legs or raise your hands, the better you will feel. Folded arms may mean that you are trying to protect yourself and will look bad to the other person. You may think that the person is uninterested or feeling detached from your conversation when they fold their arms and cross their legs but when the opposite occurs, you will think that the person is accepting your issue.
Furthermore, we are attracted to people who are similar to ourselves. Say if you were discussing with your partner and both of you were sitting/standing in a similar position. the discussion will go well. This is called mirroring. However, if both were sitting/standing in different positions, the discussion may not go as well.
Nail-biting, playing with hair, chewing gum, and teeth grinding are examples of displacement activity. It is the most common and annoying gesture. It is used to get rid of physical tension in the body. On the contrary, grooming gesture are things we do to reassure ourselves. We normally use this gesture when around people we don't know as we want to look more presentable to lift our confidence.
Lastly, we use our hands to emphasize what we say from pointing to waving.
Hands that are made into a pyramid shape (fingers and thumbs on both hands touching, with palms wide apart) mean power. If someone sits across a desk from you and speaks to you with the pyramid gesture pointing to you, he/she may be your boss or future boss =)
Thus, when working or doing business, remember all these tips. It will help you in some way or others ok!
*credits to www.bizhelp24.com*
Thus, when working or doing business, remember all these tips. It will help you in some way or others ok!
*credits to www.bizhelp24.com*
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Birds of a Feather will Flock Together vs Opposites Attract
Have you evr walked down a street say a couple holding hands and thought to yourself 'oh my god! what did that guy ever see in that girl' or vice versa? So what attracts a person to another?
Physical attraction
Research has proven that people of the same attractive level will go for a partner of equal level.A good example would be Angelina Jolie and Brad pitt. It is summed up in this equatin physical attractiveness x the probability of acceptance.However people who really love each other truly believe that beauty trancends the physical.
Attitudes
This is probably where the term 'airhead' or 'bimbo' can about from. Yes the person may be stunnigly good looking but that can only make up for so much.If the person doesnt have an attitude thats similar attitudes to yours or doesnt think they way you do, there are more likely to be serious arguments then sweet memories in the future.Take me for instance, I once had a friend that was the sweetest boy you could find.He was nice, extremely patient and understanding.However he's old fashioned and traditional way of thinking started to get in the way of our friendship and before long we couldn't see eye to eye.What I once thought where his good traits were now annoying and had told him he should live in a cave and stay there.Therefore to me I don't realy get the whole opposites attract thing.
Social and cultural background
Research has found that people of the same economic background are more likely to be attracted to each other. Also certain demographic characteristics, including religious background, political orientation and socio economic status.However in our society , man are expected to earn more then women are so that they are still the 'man of the house'
There are of course countless more factors, but these three to me are these are main first three everyone looks at. Therefore in conclusion I don't believe that opposites attract but incontrary 'birds of a feather will flock together'
Physical attraction
Research has proven that people of the same attractive level will go for a partner of equal level.A good example would be Angelina Jolie and Brad pitt. It is summed up in this equatin physical attractiveness x the probability of acceptance.However people who really love each other truly believe that beauty trancends the physical.
Attitudes
This is probably where the term 'airhead' or 'bimbo' can about from. Yes the person may be stunnigly good looking but that can only make up for so much.If the person doesnt have an attitude thats similar attitudes to yours or doesnt think they way you do, there are more likely to be serious arguments then sweet memories in the future.Take me for instance, I once had a friend that was the sweetest boy you could find.He was nice, extremely patient and understanding.However he's old fashioned and traditional way of thinking started to get in the way of our friendship and before long we couldn't see eye to eye.What I once thought where his good traits were now annoying and had told him he should live in a cave and stay there.Therefore to me I don't realy get the whole opposites attract thing.
Social and cultural background
Research has found that people of the same economic background are more likely to be attracted to each other. Also certain demographic characteristics, including religious background, political orientation and socio economic status.However in our society , man are expected to earn more then women are so that they are still the 'man of the house'
There are of course countless more factors, but these three to me are these are main first three everyone looks at. Therefore in conclusion I don't believe that opposites attract but incontrary 'birds of a feather will flock together'
The body decoder
Non-verbal communication is pretty hard to intepret and sometimes quite misleading.Here are a few things that you sometimes do or even a few things to look out for when trying to interpret non-verbal signs.
When we look at people we're not familiar with (in a business situation for instance), our eyes make a zig-zag motion,however with friends, the look drops below eye level and moves into a triangle shape.We look from eye to eye but also look down to include the nose and mouth and from eye to eye and across the bridge of the nose.
If you want to hit it off with someone non verbally nothing will bond you more effectively than mirroring someone's behaviour. This simply means you do whatever it is they do. If they lean forward to tell you something, you lean in to meet them. If they sit back to take a sip of their drink and look you in the eye, you pause then follow suit. The theory behind mirroring is that we like people who are like us. If someone is doing what we're doing, we feel they're on the same level as us and in the same mood as we are.However one should only follow their positive body language and not the bad ones
The eyebrow flash. When we first see someone we're attracted to, our eyebrows rise and fall. If they are similarly attracted, they raise their eyebrows in return. Never noticed it? It's not surprising since the whole thing lasts only about a fifth of a second
Pointing. Sneak a peek at what their feet and hands are doing ,we tend to point toward the person we're interested in. If we find someone attractive, we'll often point at them subconsciously with our hands arms, feet, legs, toes and upper torso.So if you find that that cute guy in the corner is not directly looking at you but he's upper frame is pointed at you I'd pretty much say you've got the cat in the bag ;)
If someone likes what they see, their pupil size increases and so does their blinking rate. If you want to up the odds in your favour, try increasing the blink rate of the person you're talking to, by blinking more yourself. To be insync with you the person will unconciously follow suit.
However with different people different non-verbal sign can mean different things, not one size fits all therefore when trying to intrepret a person by their body language alone the Rule Of Four must be exercised as experts will tell you.This means that you should look for atleast four non-verbal signs before making up any conclusions.So remember these few things when trying decode that certain someone.Good luck!
When we look at people we're not familiar with (in a business situation for instance), our eyes make a zig-zag motion,however with friends, the look drops below eye level and moves into a triangle shape.We look from eye to eye but also look down to include the nose and mouth and from eye to eye and across the bridge of the nose.
If you want to hit it off with someone non verbally nothing will bond you more effectively than mirroring someone's behaviour. This simply means you do whatever it is they do. If they lean forward to tell you something, you lean in to meet them. If they sit back to take a sip of their drink and look you in the eye, you pause then follow suit. The theory behind mirroring is that we like people who are like us. If someone is doing what we're doing, we feel they're on the same level as us and in the same mood as we are.However one should only follow their positive body language and not the bad ones
The eyebrow flash. When we first see someone we're attracted to, our eyebrows rise and fall. If they are similarly attracted, they raise their eyebrows in return. Never noticed it? It's not surprising since the whole thing lasts only about a fifth of a second
Pointing. Sneak a peek at what their feet and hands are doing ,we tend to point toward the person we're interested in. If we find someone attractive, we'll often point at them subconsciously with our hands arms, feet, legs, toes and upper torso.So if you find that that cute guy in the corner is not directly looking at you but he's upper frame is pointed at you I'd pretty much say you've got the cat in the bag ;)
If someone likes what they see, their pupil size increases and so does their blinking rate. If you want to up the odds in your favour, try increasing the blink rate of the person you're talking to, by blinking more yourself. To be insync with you the person will unconciously follow suit.
However with different people different non-verbal sign can mean different things, not one size fits all therefore when trying to intrepret a person by their body language alone the Rule Of Four must be exercised as experts will tell you.This means that you should look for atleast four non-verbal signs before making up any conclusions.So remember these few things when trying decode that certain someone.Good luck!
2 in 1 in Relationships
Hey Hong Chun here,
I will be going to brief about my title today which is 2 in 1 in relationships. 2 IN 1 Relationships means that 2 people committed in 1 relationships.
In a relationships, other than cemistry , the most important thing is 2 people unite as one. It is important that 2 lover are view as one. In a relationships, 2 Lover are known as ONE pair of couple, ONE world of them, ONE special way to communicate, ONE but no one else can separate them, ONE words used which is 'we', ONE thing to share and ONE memory of them.
From my experience, almost all the relationships starting with perception. Perception can be the first impression towards that particular person, in other words what make a person to attract by other person? what makes that person is so special to another person.
Next is where the person starts to approch the other person whom he/she likes.They communicate to each other more frequent and spend time to understand to each other. They even try to do something together. This is where the intimacy, interpersonal and social bonding start to form between 2 lover. As in the right time after one of them confess to another person, they will start to change their status from friendship into couple. They start to form a relationship bond by holding hands,hugging, and kissing which are sexual intimacy.
Well a thought that always keep in our mind that, we will be happily ever after. Well, it's not true at all. It is because every couple has their own conflicts. This is where they learn to communicate to each other and solve the problems together.They learned to trust, loyal and contribute commitment.
When a relationship reached a certain level of conflict, deterioration comes in. This is where the interpersonal dissatisfaction occur. In deterioration occured, it comes along with miscommunication and perception clash. It is a dangerous stage because it can either move on to repair stage or dissolution. Repair stage is they repair their dissatisfaction while dissolution is where they separate from one into two. Well don't worry, the good part about this relationship chart is ,it is reversible and can start again.
In conclusion , in a relationship, everything has to be together and invovles both people to get things well. There are no one side party and remember, it has to be 2 people together to commit and take the responsibility. I once again emphasize that everything has to be together and 2 in 1. If not, things will never get good and it will break. Here, I would like to insert my quote in a relationship:
'As long as we don't give up on another half of us, we shall overcome everything together!'
I will be going to brief about my title today which is 2 in 1 in relationships. 2 IN 1 Relationships means that 2 people committed in 1 relationships.
In a relationships, other than cemistry , the most important thing is 2 people unite as one. It is important that 2 lover are view as one. In a relationships, 2 Lover are known as ONE pair of couple, ONE world of them, ONE special way to communicate, ONE but no one else can separate them, ONE words used which is 'we', ONE thing to share and ONE memory of them.
From my experience, almost all the relationships starting with perception. Perception can be the first impression towards that particular person, in other words what make a person to attract by other person? what makes that person is so special to another person.
Next is where the person starts to approch the other person whom he/she likes.They communicate to each other more frequent and spend time to understand to each other. They even try to do something together. This is where the intimacy, interpersonal and social bonding start to form between 2 lover. As in the right time after one of them confess to another person, they will start to change their status from friendship into couple. They start to form a relationship bond by holding hands,hugging, and kissing which are sexual intimacy.
Well a thought that always keep in our mind that, we will be happily ever after. Well, it's not true at all. It is because every couple has their own conflicts. This is where they learn to communicate to each other and solve the problems together.They learned to trust, loyal and contribute commitment.
When a relationship reached a certain level of conflict, deterioration comes in. This is where the interpersonal dissatisfaction occur. In deterioration occured, it comes along with miscommunication and perception clash. It is a dangerous stage because it can either move on to repair stage or dissolution. Repair stage is they repair their dissatisfaction while dissolution is where they separate from one into two. Well don't worry, the good part about this relationship chart is ,it is reversible and can start again.
In conclusion , in a relationship, everything has to be together and invovles both people to get things well. There are no one side party and remember, it has to be 2 people together to commit and take the responsibility. I once again emphasize that everything has to be together and 2 in 1. If not, things will never get good and it will break. Here, I would like to insert my quote in a relationship:
'As long as we don't give up on another half of us, we shall overcome everything together!'
Improve our speaking voice
- Record yourself speaking as normally as you possibly can. Find a paragraph in a book or newspaper you are reading, and speak as naturally as possible into some recording device. You can often find these in cell phones and computers, or you can buy a tape recorder at your local electronics store.
- Watch yourself speak by standing in front of a mirror while reading the same paragraph. Watch your face carefully, paying special attention to how your mouth moves and your facial expressions.
- Identify where you need to improve by listening as objectively as you can to your recording and observing yourself in the mirror. What were your first impressions of your speaking voice?
- Pay attention to common problems. Most people have a similar idea as to what the ideal speaking voice is. These qualities vary only slightly.
- Varying pitch. Avoid the dreaded monotone by raising and lowering your voice to emphasize or de-emphasize certain points of what you are saying. This often varies by region, so pay attention to your friends and neighbors as they speak.
- Soft volume. Nobody wants to be yelled at, so speak just a little softer that you normally would, especially when talking to someone who is physically close to you.
- Relaxed tone. If there is tension in your throat or chest, your voice will sound hoarse and forced, almost as if you have laryngitis. Relax your upper body, including your shoulders, neck and abdominal muscles, and your voice will sound more gentle and pleasant.
- Practice your new speaking voice. Record and watch yourself again, and decide whether you did an adequate job at correcting the problems you identified earlier. Be careful not to overdo it; your voice will sound obviously fake. Once you have struck a balance that you like to listen to, practice reading out loud or even talking on the phone with close friends.
i think practise, practise and PRACTISE more is the most important click to improve our speaking and enhanced our communication skills! Let's start practise infront your mirror!
Good speaker
Since all of us are going to have lots of oral presentations no matter it is individual or in a group, there are some tips we have to look at in a characteristics of a Good Speaker. Hope you guys can present well in your future presentations with these great characterisitics!
1. Good Organization
2. Preparation
a. Speak from clear, comprehensive lecture notes.
b. Practice your presentation for voice, language, and timing.
c. Do not read your presentation.
3. Confidence
a. Do not begin with an apology for your knowledge or your English. If you lack confidence in yourself, the audience will perceive it and lose confidence in you, too.
b. Be thoroughly prepared and familiar with your material; preparation creates confidence.
c. Pause occasionally. Never be afraid to stop speaking for a moment.
d. Speak at a normal, slow rate. Do not rush.
4. Responsiveness
a. Start your presentation with a smile. You will put your audience at ease.
b. Make eye contact with members of the audience. Do not talk to the back wall, the table, or your notes. Find a few friendly, encouraging faces in the different parts of the audience and talk to them.
c. Check to see whether the audience is following you.
d. Make sure you talk with, not at, your audience. Talking at an audience comes across as talking down to them.
5. Clarity
a. Be sure the organization of your talk is clear to the audience.
b. Make short, simple and specific statements.
c. Strive for a smooth transition from one point to the next.
d. Use visual support to illustrate and clarify difficult points. Visuals should complement the oral presentation. Visuals should not be used as substitutes for commentary, nor should they require overly complex explanations.
6. Enthusiasm
a. When something is important, say it slower and louder.
b. Try to communicate to the audience your own interest in and enthusiasm for your subject; enthusiasm is contagious!
Your fallen angel,
Lok Yee Wei
Saturday, October 3, 2009
The power of Silence
Hey, Hong Chun's back!
Nonverbal can also act as a tool to communicate with others without any words and lately,I had learned a powerful word which is silence. It is closely related to what i had learned in class and a scenario.
Last Wednesday, I came to HELP early in the morning for my class. Since my class started at 9.30 a.m., I sat at casual place to relax myself. While I'm relaxing myself,in the same time I also observing the people around me. I had learned that one ways to understand people is to observe them.
Suddenly, I saw 2 people of friend sitting together and talked to each other in front of me. Initially, they both starting to talked happily and exicitedly, but at a moment, one of the friend started to burst into tears as they continue their conversation. The another of friend not only listened emphatically to what the sad friend said but the another friend also remain silenced.
Then it came across my mind and I realized that silence and listen emphatically is what I had learned in class. From my point of view, listen and silence are come together. When you are silence, it means that you are paying attention to what another person said and in the same time, it gives the feeling to that person that you understand what sort of problems that I benn through. In conclusion, silence is another new powerful tool that I had learned as I thought before of silence makes people think that I'm not listening which I'm wrong.
Nonverbal can also act as a tool to communicate with others without any words and lately,I had learned a powerful word which is silence. It is closely related to what i had learned in class and a scenario.
Last Wednesday, I came to HELP early in the morning for my class. Since my class started at 9.30 a.m., I sat at casual place to relax myself. While I'm relaxing myself,in the same time I also observing the people around me. I had learned that one ways to understand people is to observe them.
Suddenly, I saw 2 people of friend sitting together and talked to each other in front of me. Initially, they both starting to talked happily and exicitedly, but at a moment, one of the friend started to burst into tears as they continue their conversation. The another of friend not only listened emphatically to what the sad friend said but the another friend also remain silenced.
Then it came across my mind and I realized that silence and listen emphatically is what I had learned in class. From my point of view, listen and silence are come together. When you are silence, it means that you are paying attention to what another person said and in the same time, it gives the feeling to that person that you understand what sort of problems that I benn through. In conclusion, silence is another new powerful tool that I had learned as I thought before of silence makes people think that I'm not listening which I'm wrong.
How to detect lies?
The following are often used by the police and security experts to identify when a person is lying. This knowledge is also useful to managers, employers, and for anyone in everyday situations where telling the truth from a lie can help prevent you from being a victim of fraud/scams and other deceptions.
Signs of Deception:
Body Language of Lies:
• Physical expression will be limited and stiff, with few arm and hand movements. Hand, arm and leg movement are toward their own body the liar takes up less space.
• Avoid making eye contact at all cost.
• Hands touching their face, throat & mouth. Touching or scratching the nose or behind their ear. Not likely to touch his chest/heart with an open hand.
Emotional Gestures & Contradiction
• Timing and duration of emotional gestures and emotions are off a normal pace. The display of emotion is delayed, stays longer than it would naturally, then stops suddenly.
• Timing is off between emotions gestures/expressions and words. Example: Someone says "I love it!" when receiving a gift, and then smile after making that statement, rather then at the same time the statement is made.
• Gestures/expressions don’t match the verbal statement, such as frowning when saying “I love you.”
• Expressions are limited to mouth movements when someone is faking emotions (like happy, surprised, sad, awe, )instead of the whole face. For example; when someone smiles naturally their whole face is involved: jaw/cheek movement, eyes and forehead push down, etc.
Interactions and Reactions
• A lying person gets defensive. An innocent person will often go on the offensive.
• A liar is uncomfortable facing his questioner/accuser and may turn his head or body away.
• A liar might unconsciously place objects (book, coffee cup, etc.) between themselves and you.
Verbal Context and Content
• A liar will use your words to answer a question. When asked, “Did you eat the last cookie?” The liar answers, “No, I did not eat the last cookie.”
•A statement with a contraction is more likely to be truthful: “ I didn't do it” instead of “I did not do it”
• Liars sometimes avoid "lying" by not making direct statements. They imply answers instead of denying something directly.
• The guilty person may speak more than natural, adding unnecessary details to convince you... they are not comfortable with silence or pauses in the conversation.
• A liar may leave out pronouns and speak in a monotonous tone. When a truthful statement is made the pronoun is emphasized as much or more than the rest of the words in a statement.
• Words may be garbled and spoken softly, and syntax and grammar may be off. In other
words, his sentences will likely be muddled rather than emphasized.
If you think someone is lying, change the subject of the conversation quickly, a liar follows along willingly and becomes more relaxed. The guilty wants the subject changed; an innocent person may be confused by the sudden change in topics and will want to back to the previous subject.
However, just because someone exhibits one or more of these signs does not make them a liar. The above behaviors should be compared to a person's base (normal) behavior whenever possible.Most lie detecting experts agree that a combination of body language and other cues must be used to make an educated guess on whether someone is telling the truth or a lie.
credits to http://www.blifaloo.com/info/lies.php ....
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Why human communication fails?
Here are some examples of why human communication fails...
From these four examples, we can conclude that communication failure is somewhat impossible to avoid all together but prevention may be put forth. Its the same as disease or sickness that attacks human. We cannot avoid it completely, so we learn to prevent it , cure it or live with it.
- Language difference - English is usually poorly written on the internet. Some people use it as their native language; other learned some of it from various sources. That is why, whatever you say will be interpreted in a myriad of ways, whether you use idiomatic English or not.
- Cultural difference - Different people, different nationality, different race, different culture. Whatever you assume about the recipients of your message, the wider the audience, the more of them will fail to meet your assumptions. What you intend to say as a neutral matter of fact will be interpreted (by different people) as a detestable political opinion, a horrendous blasphemy, and a lovely piece of poetry because of the culture difference.
- Personal difference -Every person has his or her own way of thinking and his/her own perceptions.. Therefore, whatever you try to explain about the genetics of colors will be incomprehensible to most people, since they have a very vague idea of what "genes" are (in written communication you might just manage to distinguish them from Jeans), and "dominance" is just Greek or sex to them.
- Data lost - The listener didn't pay attention at a critical moment, and he/she misses something indispensable. Worse, they do not realise that they have missed some part of the data most of the time.
From these four examples, we can conclude that communication failure is somewhat impossible to avoid all together but prevention may be put forth. Its the same as disease or sickness that attacks human. We cannot avoid it completely, so we learn to prevent it , cure it or live with it.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
VERBAL and WORDS
Verbal messages are also known as words. It is important because the words that we used in our daily life's communication to express our thoughts, ideas and messages. The words also act as a powerful tool that we used during communication.
Verbal messages must be carefully used. It is because certain words with the same pronounciation will give different meanings. Therefore, it causes confusion and brings different outcomes and actions. This is one of the example, hope you guys will enjoy and see what's wrong with the the conversation.
CASE
Ali: Aiya... apek... lain kali lu sebut betul2 la....kasi susa saja.. Bukan potong zaka la..... Proton Saga........lah
*So what can we derived from this story? Just a simple Proton Saga can be misunderstood as potong zakar. As a conclusion, beware of the words that you use, if not it will create misunderstanding just like POTONG ZAKA! =)
by Hong Chun, Chrno
Verbal messages must be carefully used. It is because certain words with the same pronounciation will give different meanings. Therefore, it causes confusion and brings different outcomes and actions. This is one of the example, hope you guys will enjoy and see what's wrong with the the conversation.
CASE
Two old friends - a Chinaman and a Malay were having a conversation recently ....
Apek:Lu potong zaka ada bagut ka?
Ali: Manyak bagus. Bila lu potong haa, lu punya barang manyak bersih loo...
Apek: err ... saya kawan ala cakap, potong zaka aaahh.... manyak ploblem..
Ali: Apa problem?
Apek: Manyak buang lui, lagi aah... dia punya performance tadak bagut... manyak cinang semputloh ...
Ali: Cehh... apek, lu apa cerita... saya suda lama potong. tada apa problem... bini saya manyak puas woo...
Apek: Lu mini puas sama itu potong zaka ka?
Ali: Ya laa. Bila lu potong aahh... lagi sedap main woo.. lu lagi lambat pancut..
Apek: err... lu punya 1.3 atau 1.5??
Ali: woi apek cakap baik2 sikit ha ... saya punya 6 inci laa..
Apek: Tiu nia ma... lu jangan main2 haa... mana ada potong zaka 6 inci..
Ali: Cilaka apek ni....nah tengok (opens his trousers).
Apek: Chee sin punya olang......gua tanya baik2 ... lu tunjuk lupunya lanchiau..
Ali: Abis... lu tada percaya..saya tunjuk la..
Apek: Saya tadak tanya sama lu punya lanchiau... Saya tanya lu pasal itu nasional car... potong zaka.. bolo punya olang..
Apek:Lu potong zaka ada bagut ka?
Ali: Manyak bagus. Bila lu potong haa, lu punya barang manyak bersih loo...
Apek: err ... saya kawan ala cakap, potong zaka aaahh.... manyak ploblem..
Ali: Apa problem?
Apek: Manyak buang lui, lagi aah... dia punya performance tadak bagut... manyak cinang semputloh ...
Ali: Cehh... apek, lu apa cerita... saya suda lama potong. tada apa problem... bini saya manyak puas woo...
Apek: Lu mini puas sama itu potong zaka ka?
Ali: Ya laa. Bila lu potong aahh... lagi sedap main woo.. lu lagi lambat pancut..
Apek: err... lu punya 1.3 atau 1.5??
Ali: woi apek cakap baik2 sikit ha ... saya punya 6 inci laa..
Apek: Tiu nia ma... lu jangan main2 haa... mana ada potong zaka 6 inci..
Ali: Cilaka apek ni....nah tengok (opens his trousers).
Apek: Chee sin punya olang......gua tanya baik2 ... lu tunjuk lupunya lanchiau..
Ali: Abis... lu tada percaya..saya tunjuk la..
Apek: Saya tadak tanya sama lu punya lanchiau... Saya tanya lu pasal itu nasional car... potong zaka.. bolo punya olang..
Ali: Aiya... apek... lain kali lu sebut betul2 la....kasi susa saja.. Bukan potong zaka la..... Proton Saga........lah
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by Hong Chun, Chrno
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