VERBAL and WORDS

Verbal messages are also known as words. It is important because the words that we used in our daily life's communication to express our thoughts, ideas and messages. The words also act as a powerful tool that we used during communication.

Verbal messages must be carefully used. It is because certain words with the same pronounciation will give different meanings. Therefore, it causes confusion and brings different outcomes and actions. This is one of the example, hope you guys will enjoy and see what's wrong with the the conversation.

CASE

Two old friends - a Chinaman and a Malay were having a conversation recently ....

Apek:Lu potong zaka ada bagut ka?

Ali: Manyak bagus. Bila lu potong haa, lu punya barang manyak bersih loo...

Apek: err ... saya kawan ala cakap, potong zaka aaahh.... manyak ploblem..

Ali: Apa problem?

Apek: Manyak buang lui, lagi aah... dia punya performance tadak bagut... manyak cinang semputloh ...

Ali: Cehh... apek, lu apa cerita... saya suda lama potong. tada apa problem... bini saya manyak puas woo...

Apek: Lu mini puas sama itu potong zaka ka?

Ali: Ya laa. Bila lu potong aahh... lagi sedap main woo.. lu lagi lambat pancut..

Apek: err... lu punya 1.3 atau 1.5??

Ali: woi apek cakap baik2 sikit ha ... saya punya 6 inci laa..

Apek: Tiu nia ma... lu jangan main2 haa... mana ada potong zaka 6 inci..

Ali: Cilaka apek ni....nah tengok (opens his trousers).

Apek: Chee sin punya olang......gua tanya baik2 ... lu tunjuk lupunya lanchiau..

Ali: Abis... lu tada percaya..saya tunjuk la..

Apek: Saya tadak tanya sama lu punya lanchiau... Saya tanya lu pasal itu nasional car... potong zaka.. bolo punya olang..

Ali: Aiya... apek... lain kali lu sebut betul2 la....kasi susa saja.. Bukan potong zaka la..... Proton Saga........lah

*So what can we derived from this story? Just a simple Proton Saga can be misunderstood as potong zakar. As a conclusion, beware of the words that you use, if not it will create misunderstanding just like POTONG ZAKA! =)

by Hong Chun, Chrno

LISTEN Please?

We human, the creation of God was granted with a pair of ears for us to listen. Listening skills in the process of interaction between human communication is very important. Everyone can listen , but how well do we listen?

There are 3 types of listening skills, which are objective listening, active listening and empathic listening. Objective listening is to listen as much as possible to understand the speaker, while empathic listening is trying to understand what a person feels and means from his point of view. As for active listening, the use of appropriate verbal and non-verbal communication during interaction between people or in other words two way communication.

Well, when i was in secondary school, it was the hardest moment that I had gone through. That moment, I was having depression. The most basic thing that I need was my parents to listen to me. Everytime when I tried to tell something good or bad to my parents, they don't even have eye contact to me. Sometimes they even did not listen to me and wait for me to finish what i was trying to say, they had already changed the topic to something else or even not responded to me. Worst case, when I hadn't get into the main point, they had already assumed something else which i did not mean that way.

These few actions that they had done, brought several impacts on me. It gave me the feeling that it was better to keep the matter to myself rather than telling them. The most basic things that i need was just a listener, and not to be judgmental and assumptions, is it that difficult to be done?

In conclusion,listening skills are very important in every interaction. Try to listen to them, feel them and understand them. If not, we will easily come to a conclusion and make a wrong assumption. This not only will hurt that person's feeling, it also hurts that person's self-esteem, belongings needs and also miscommunication. Thank you.


Done by Hong Chun, Chrno.

Actions are louder than words...

Today is my birthday...In my family, it is very normal that there are no cake cutting, birthday song singing, present giving, and all the usual stuff people do on birthdays. It started being like this when each of us (me and my 3 siblings) turns 7. We just sort of outgrown the birthday thing..

Wait, don't get me wrong. This don't mean that birthdays are not celebrated at all in my family! We just do it a different way. For example, since its my birthday today, my dad will automatically bring us somewhere nice for dinner ;p I will get to make the choice of what to order off the menu XD For lunch, mum made soup vermicelli with 2 boiled eggs - dyed red - for me! (Red eggs are the symbol of change in life; their round shape also symbolizes a harmonious and happy life. Vermicelli symbolizes longevity)

Also, my siblings will take over my share of the household chores even though it is my turn to do it. As for presents, I get to ask 1 thing or favor from each of my family members. Sometimes, they have presents for me all the same =) but usually only mum and dad gave me stuffs...Mind you, I do not need to say a single word to remind them or tell them they are suppose to do my work ;p Its just automatic ..hehe..

My parents are the best I tell you! They completely turn off their nagging mode!!! Not one single word against me! WHAO!! its really a peace of mind, considering the amount of nagging I have to bear with in a day..hehe...shhh...Dad who never say `HAPPY BIRTHDAY' to me in person as far as i can remember will give me pats and sometimes a hug on my birthday! My brothers will not fight for the TV remote like they usually do too ;p

hmmm...the list just goes on and on...They don't say it out loud to me or do much things that clearly states that they are celebrating my birthday; but I feel it all the same!!! This year, mum and dad is working and I have to help too. So, they took me shopping a few days earlier. It came as a suprise to me as dad really don't approve of me shopping. He thinks I have too much clothes already; but he spent nearly RM300 without a mere grumble on clothes for me!! Its his way of saying sorry to me...

Thus, I am not that sad although I have to work instead and no celebrations at all. It is very boring and irritating but maybe they postpone the celebration to a later date and there are more presents to come ;p so, I'm still keeping my fingers crossed...XD

PICTURES

Picture is something give us information directly and also indirectly meaning. Different people view a picture in different ways and feelings. I think picture is the best way to demonstrates stories and emotions.

People likes to add words or sentences on the picture, which can describes their feelings well.

Take this picture as example, I can intreprete it as loving and hugging within different species of animals. But you can also think this as fighting and competing between each other. It is a matter of perspectives and view.

I love pictures. I love snapping photos. I demonstrate my feelings by photos.

Your fallen angel,

LOK YEE WEI

Becoming an Active Listener

Listening is one of the most important skills you can have. How well you listen has a major impact on your job effectiveness, and on the quality of your relationships with others. We listen to obtain information, to understand, to learn and for enjoyment. There are five key elements of active listening. They all help you ensure that you hear the other person, and that the other person knows you are hearing what they are saying.

1. Pay attention.
Give the speaker your undivided attention and acknowledge the message. Recognize that what is not said also speaks loudly.
*Look at the speaker directly.
*Put aside distracting thoughts.
*Avoid being distracted by environmental factors.
*“Listen” to the speaker’s body language.
*Refrain from side conversations when listening in a group setting.

2. Show that you are listening.
Use your own body language and gestures to convey your attention.
*Nod occasionally.
*Smile and use other facial expressions.
*Note your posture and make sure it is open and inviting.
*Encourage the speaker to continue with small verbal comments like yes, and uh huh.

3. Provide feedback.
Our personal filters, assumptions, judgments, and beliefs can distort what we hear. As a listener, your role is to understand what is being said. This may require you to reflect what is being said and ask questions.
*Reflect what has been said by paraphrasing. “What I’m hearing is…” and “Sounds like you are saying…”
are great ways to reflect back.
*Ask questions to clarify certain points. “What do you mean when you say…” “Is this what you mean?”
*Summarize the speaker’s comments periodically.

4. Defer judgment.
Interrupting is a waste of time. It frustrates the speaker and limits full understanding of the message.
*Allow the speaker to finish.
*Don’t interrupt with counter-arguments.

5. Respond Appropriately.
Active listening is a model for respect and understanding. You are gaining information and perspective. You add nothing by attacking the speaker or otherwise putting him or her down.
*Be candid, open, and honest in your response.
*Assert your opinions respectfully.
*Treat the other person as he or she would want to be treated.

It takes a lot of concentration and determination to be an active listener. Old habits are hard to break, and if your listening habits are as bad as many people’s are, then there’s a lot of habit-breaking to do!
Be deliberate with your listening and remind yourself constantly that your goal is to truly hear what the other person is saying. Set aside all other thoughts and behaviors and concentrate on the message. Ask question, reflect, and paraphrase to ensure you understand the message. If you don’t, then you’ll find that what someone says to you and what you hear can be amazingly different!
Start using active listening today to become a better communicator and improve your workplace productivity and relationships......


Rubini Chandra Sekharan

~Flavor of Life~

Music plays a large part in my life! I listen to music everyday! Without music, I think life would be meaningless. Well, today Mr Murali asked us to introduce the song we chose to the class. What the song means to us? What makes us listen to it? etc...So, I chose Utada Hikaru's `Flavor of Life'.



The first thing that attracted me to this song was the title, `flavor of life'. It brings back all the memories in my life,be it sweet, sour, spicy or bitter (happiness, excitement, pain, sad). But what stands out most are the sad and painful memories. However, because they are also one of the flavor of life; I have to accept them believing it to be making my life more tasty(interesting). I use the sweet and sour to cover up the spicy and bitterness thus comforting myself.

The thing is, when I checked out the lyrics, the song turned out to be some kind of a love song. But still, the message I interpreted was very near! ;p So,here is the actual meaning and nature of the song.

"As the title notes, the flavor of life is bittersweet. It's not always good, but it's not always bad either - it's mixed and people could learn to appreciate that mix as a good thing . The song itself is about the frustrating position of going nowhere in a relationship while holding out hope for it. The song is actually an encouraging song, especially when one listens carefully and notes that at the points when the lyrics seem to show the individual about to "give up", the hidden words in the background sing "Don't be afraid" and "You'll be okay" Apart from what seems to be fear for the future, one should also note the themes of faith, confidence and responsibility throughout the song"

My interpretation is pretty close isn't it?! - even though I didn't have anything about love in my mind;p Amazing! Anyway, Hikaru's songs have left many impacts on me because she always seem to relate to my feelings well (through her songs I mean). Most of her songs are meaningful and since she's a japanese-american, she has english songs too..XD

here's a recent video on her new english album...I think the song `come back to me' has been playing on local radio not long ago too ;p









p.s : sorry for the intro on utada...nothing better to do that's why..hehe XD

Gopeng Camp

I went to Leadership camp in last 2 weeks which held in Gopeng. It was fun and interesting though. I learned something different which actually had changed my view is from our camp leader Miss Cindy and a guy called Chong Jun Hoong.

Here I am going to talk about the techniques of Miss Cindy got feedback from us. She never asked us to put up our hand to comment about the games, feelings and sensations. For example, she placed some ropes on the floor and want us to stand on the side which is fit our opinion. Besides that, she also wants us to use a long rope to plot a curve graph which represents our feelings towards the 3days 2nights camp. These are the ways which I think is very efficient communication skills. Although she uses indirect ways to asked us feedback but I think we give her great response. Usually students do not give respond to the lecturer (maybe they scared make mistakes or do not show their opinion), but Miss Cindy let us use some equipment and tools to represents our voices and feelings which is another communication skill.

Jun Hoong actually inspired me alot when we play on the high rope course. It is a challenging game which challenge our height phobia and examine our physical strength. Actually he is an overweight guy (be frankly speaking sorry), he felt from the wooden stepping board, but he is still safe because there are some safety features hanging him. He takes a long time about 20minutes hanging there, because he can't get himself up to the board. When I look at him, I feel like crying. There only left Miss Cindy , Jun Hoong and me, Miss Cindy and I tried to help him, he has strong determination which touch us a lot. I gave him applause and at the end of the camp, when he said out his feelings, he almost cry. He finally conquer his physical limit and achieve his goal! I am proud of him!

Your fallen angel,
Lok Yee Wei

Six Fundamental Patterns of Cultural Differences

As people from different cultural groups take on the exciting challenge of working together, cultural values sometimes conflict. We can misunderstand each other, and react in ways that can hinder what are otherwise promising partnerships. Oftentimes, we aren't aware that culture is acting upon us. Sometimes, we are not even aware that we have cultural values or assumptions that are different from others. As you enter into multicultural dialogue or collaboration, keep these generalized differences in mind. Next time you find yourself in a confusing situation, and you suspect that cross-cultural differences are at play, try reviewing this list.

1. Different Communication Styles
The way people communicate varies widely between, and even within, cultures. One aspect of communication style is language usage. Across cultures, some words and phrases are used in different ways. Another major aspect of communication style is the degree of importance given to non-verbal communication. Non-verbal communication includes not only facial expressions and gestures, it also involves seating arrangements, personal distance, and sense of time. In addition, different norms regarding the appropriate degree of assertiveness in communicating can add to cultural misunderstandings.

2. Different Attitudes towards Conflicts
Some cultures view conflict as a positive thing, while others view it as something to be avoided. Face-to-face meetings customarily are recommended as the way to work through whatever problems exist. In contrast, in many Eastern countries, open conflict is experienced as embarrassing or demeaning, as a rule, differences are best worked out quietly. A written exchange might be the favored means to address the conflict.

3. Different Approaches in Completing Tasks
From culture to culture, there are different ways that people move towards completing tasks. Some reasons include different access to resources, different judgments of the rewards associated with task completion, different notions of time, and varied ideas about how relationship-building and task-oriented work should go together. When it comes to working together effectively on a task, cultures differ with respect to the importance placed on establishing relationships early on in the collaboration. This does not mean that people from any cultural backgrounds are more or less committed to accomplishing the task or value relationships more or less, it means they may pursue them differently.

4. Different Decision Making Styles
The roles individuals play in decision-making vary widely from culture to culture. Be aware that individuals' expectations about their own roles in shaping a decision may be influenced by their cultural frame of reference.

5. Different Attitudes towards Disclosure
In some cultures, it is not appropriate to be frank about emotions, about the reasons behind a conflict or a misunderstanding, or about personal information. Keep this in mind when you are in a dialogue or when you are working with others. When you are dealing with a conflict, be mindful that people may differ in what they feel comfortable revealing. Questions that may seem natural to you -- What was the conflict about? What was your role in the conflict? What was the sequence of events? -- may seem intrusive to others. The variation among cultures in attitudes toward disclosure is also something to consider before you conclude that you have an accurate reading of the views, experiences, and goals of the people with whom you are working.

6. Different Approaches to Knowing
Notable differences occur among cultural groups when it comes to the ways people come to know things. Recent popular works demonstrate that our own society is paying more attention to previously overlooked ways of knowing. Indeed, these different approaches to knowing could affect ways of analyzing a community problem or finding ways to resolve it. Some members of your group may want to do library research to understand a shared problem better and identify possible solutions. Others may prefer to visit places and people who have experienced challenges like the ones you are facing, and get a feeling for what has worked elsewhere.

Always, ask yourself how culture may be shaping your own reactions, and try to see the world from others' points of view.

Rubini Chandra Sekharan

Communication Styles

There are four basic type of communication styles; namely, assertive, aggressive, passive and passive-aggressive.

Assertive : high self esteem, self confident, able to communicate their needs clearly but also know their limits, care for relationships, strive for mutual satisfactory solution.

Aggressive : attempt to make others do what they want through manipulation and tactics

Passive : put other's needs before own, base on compliance and effort to avoid confrontation at
all cost

Passive-aggressive : combine elements of passive & aggressive styles, avoid direct confrontation,
use devious and sneaky means of manipulation to get their own way

A healthy assertive communication style and the ability to correctly interpret other's communication are important in position of leadership. However, our gender greatly influence which communication style we tend to prefer. Women tend to use communication tocreate and sustain relationships but men on the other hand use communication primarily to solve problems and get things done.

This may be due to the way in which we are socialized. Boys are taught to assert themsleves, whereas girls are taught to listen and be responsive. So, which communication style are you? :p

the way you say it matters..

there are many ways of saying just one simple thing...for example, you want to say `i hate you' to someone but don't have the courage to do so, you put it in a milder version - ` i don't like your .......(whatever he/she uses) everytime, hoping it will give the other some hints of what you really want meant..seriously, this won't do...sometimes, it will be misunderstood by others and that is when problems arise...

besides that, the intonation and feelings you potray while delivering a message also matters...if you tell a person that you hate him/her with a dazzling smile and happy feeling, do you think that he/she will take you seriously??? the answer is NO!!! thus, you must learn to use the correct choice and arrangements of words when delivering a message..take note of who the message receivers are...if they are someone of higher ranking or is elder than you, rephrase your message to make it sound more polite and prefessional...definately no smileys or swear words allowed...

you must also beware of your intonations and feelings as it will influence the receiver too...lets say you got pissed off by your dog because it pees everywhere...then you went over to your friends house and was invited my her parents for dinner...as you were angry at the moment, you refused their invitation in an almost shouting manner and looked as if you were to burst any minute...what would they think of you??? surely not something nice i'm sure..

hence, when communicating, the way you deliver your message also plays a big part in getting the correct message through...it is very easy to deliver messages to people but it is really delivering the CORRECT message that really counts...so please take further precautions in the future...you may find it an advantage on your side most of the time;especially when persuading ;p

What do you do?

Picture this, have you ever been in a situation where someone is confiding in you about something confidential but you don't know how to reciprocate or act? Fret not! there are guidelines for Facilitating and Responding To Others Self-Disclosures.

1)Practice the skills of effctive and active listening
When someone says just be there to listen, yes they do mean that but you should also listen with empathy .You should try to relate or put yourself in that person shoes and feel what they feel or reason out why they did what they did. So that you can understand it best.Also another reason or signal to show that you are listening and you are interested is to ask a question every now and then or offer a word of comfort.


2)Support and reinforce the discloser
Even if you wouldn't have acted the way the disclosure did, show your support because the vital point to make note of here is to remember that if someone has disclosed confidental information to you its to show that they trust that you can offer support and comfort to them.


3)Keep the Disclosures confidental
This naturally goes without say, but of course naturally we sometimes tend to let confidental information which have been disclosed to us slip out.Thus it is important to make a mental note to keep all this information private and confidental because by disclosing it to other people more often than not it always brings about bad effects.So never betray someones trust.

What lies beneath

If I told you that I wanted you to join me along for a movie called "Inglorious Basterds"(mind you, it sounds alot like the other word) and you knew nothing about the movie what would you think? You would maybe think Im being rude or that it's a stupid movie. When I first heard of the movie, in my mind I immediately dumped it along side all the "Van Wilder" and "American Pie" movies. But to my pleasant surprise the movie wasn't lame or funny or any of that Van wilder humor.The movie is set During World War II and centeres around a group of Jewish-American soldiers known as "The Basterds" who are chosen specifically to spread fear throughout the Third Reich by scalping and brutally killing Nazis.

Another movie that never reached our shores was the movie "Babe".Being as un-sentimental as I am that is one of the two movies that I have ever cried about in my life. Now, because the movie was about the hardships of a little pig it was banned in Malaysia. Although the movie had a very important lesson to teach us all young and old, rich an poor that was beside the point.

Therefore what I guess I'm trying to say is that we live in a society where first impression take presidence over what really lies beneath the surface. It doesn't only apply to the way we judge a person physically or by the profession or what they have and don't have.The examples of movies i just gave you above goes to show that our first impression govern the way we look at life from every aspect of life;movies,music,social cuases and so on.Hence we should strive to change this mentality because we don't know what we have or could lose or overlook if we only take our impressions into account.

Written by,

Debra Sharmaine Nathan

The Forgotten Art of Listening

For salespeople, negotiators, or ordinary people just trying to make a point, the 70/30 Rule can make all the difference. -Ed Brodow

What is the 70/30 Rule? It is just as simple as you listen 70% of the time and talk 30% of the time. But normally we used to talk, talk and only talk in any conversation. We intend to interrupt others people conversation when there is something we know and interested about. Yes, we do love to share but we forget about our listening skills.

Communication problems or miscommunication often popped out when we stop listening to others. To gain a better conversation, we should try to be patient, listen to others emotions and voices. Do not be too aggressive if we listen to certain words, try to let others finished their sentences before we speak.

I found out that many parents seldom listen to their children. They nag for an hour but do not let their children voice out their needs and problems. They want their children be the children they want them to be like. As time goes by, the children ignore the voices from their parents, they shut their door, the bonding between the relationship is getting looser, and now the gap is getting bigger. The childrens know their voices are never been accepted by the elders, so they choose not to speak but voice out in another manner silently.

We all need to be listened. So please be a good listener first. This is a kind of respect to others and ourselves. =)

~ Talk less Listen more ~

Your fallen angel,

Lok Yee Wei

Self- esteem

Self -Esteem is basically what we feel about ourselves. In our life, our self-esteem got battered everyday due to the changes of the situation. Self-esteem can be divided to negative self-esteem and positive self-esteem. Most of us, However, are combination of both negative and positive self-esteem. It is because a person can be good in one field ( this increase positive self-esteem) , but in the same time he/she not good in another field( this increase negative self-esteem). A very good example is I'm good in memorizing, but I'm not good in mathematics. When any subjects come to memorizing and understanding, I will have much confident to study in that particular subjects. In contrast, when the subjects comes to mathematics, I will not have much interest and confident to study in that particular subjects.

Further than this, my self-esteem was battered everyday and every moment. Today, i went to play badminton with my friends in my ex-school's hall. Well, badminton is what i played since I was primary. I always wanted to be a good player. I was late for the game, and have not warm up yet.After a few balls of warming up, then we started to play badminton game on 2-2 match. My friend was much better than me. During the match, I wanted to counter the shuttle cork over, but ended up my partner took all the shoots and most of the game point was earned by him.

During the match, he also kept told me what to do and what I shouldn't do. By that time, I felt that my self-confidence was lowed. I kept questioned myself that why I'm not good in this game even tough I had played this game for so long? Why no matter how hard I tried , I still cant be good as them. Suddenly, my self-awareness thought came by. Now I realize that I was not good at anything at all. Yes, I'm not good at anything at all. All things I know was the surface but not master it's bottom. My self-esteem really dropped and I'm thinking negative thoughts.

I felt like I'm not consistent at all. when I once good at something, the another day I cant do it anymore no matter how hard I had tried.what should I do to increase my self esteem?

yeah! Think positive that I can do it! .. for those who have self-esteem low out there, please think positively, as if you think negative, the negative thoughts will hunt you down and continue to think and act in negative way.

WRITTEN BY HONG CHUN

misinterpretation of a simple message...

it was just a mere clarification of my perception... i asked why he left without a word to join others when i thought he is with us... she explained that they agreed to separate if they can't find anyone else...with that, it is settled...i have wrongly perceived him and now i acknowledge that...then later, he was late for the meeting and was blur of what we discussed...so i told her about it saying that he was like `sesat' because he joined the conversation only half way through...

however, the next minute, he was back online again accusing me of apeaking ill of him behind his back...i was bewildered and very much hurt...he accused me of calling him a betrayer and a `sesat' person...omg...what a big difference it is from my original meaning...i didn't even mention the word betray before and the sesat merely meant that he is lost...all thanks to her, i now have this guy here insulting, hurting, threatening and frightening me...and thanks to his verbal assault, i feel so frightened and scared...i tried to explain but the message just wouldn't get through...i really don't know what to do!!! i wish god will let the truth be known soon!!! i wish someone can help me or protect me from them!!!

anyway, here is the moral of the story...always make yourself very extremely clear when clarifying about a perception from others...and always make sure that the person understand a slang you use at all cost...never ever assume that they will see the meaning of anything the way you see it!!! a simple word like `sesat' which i use a lot in my daily conversation and with my friends is something very common to us...it might mean that the person is blur or weird or random or it can mean almost anything you want it to mean....however, some other people can actually interpret it into something that jeopardize their reputation...i am just so speechless...
so well, be careful ya guys...

What if no one you can talk to?

I talk to myself when there is nobody I can talk to.

She writes diary every night.

He talks to his dog when he needs somebody to share his feelings.

Different people have different ways to share their secrets and feelings. When there are no one you can tell to.

Writing diary is a good habit which you can express your feelings and thoughts throughout the day. This is a great chance to view yourself. You are actual

ly revealing yourself in the diary. And thereby, you will get to know yourself better. Something which is very personal you want to keep but need to express, writing is the best way.

Transforms your feelings to words

Talk to your pets might also be a solution. Sometimes they can feel you, they won't speak, but they listen. I even see my 8 years old younger sister talks to her doll and toys. At that flash moment, you can feel how purely innocent a small kid indulge in her fairy tale world，leave aside the adults. We don't need advise, we don't want respond f

rom people, we just need to express.

Lend me your ears

I talk to myself. I listen the voice from the bottom me. I view myself in different perspectives.

I love to share, but there is the inner part I would like to keep for myself. The deep, loved, and intimate feelings.

Heart yourself

Your fallen angel,

Lok Yee Wei

Perception of the world

In this world, different people will view a person differently. some people might view a person good in the same time, other people might view the same person bad. This is because of perception of people to a person is different.

What is perception? There are no definite and accurate definition about perception. Perception can be good or bad. Perception is about impression, expectation, self bias, pre-judgment, stereotyping and etc. Basically, perception is how a person view or judge and make conclusion about who you are.

Today , I would like to share with everyone about my experience on perception on people. During the period when I was organizing an event, I had a committee that I would like to talk about. He was an inactive member in that organization.The first moment I saw him, he gave me the perception that he is a potential member to group in my committee. Therefore, I gave him a chance to join as a part of our committee.

After that event, things had changed. His influence and attitude had changed as well. He always communicated and hanged out with higher post members in that organization. In the end of year, after the election of a new post in that organization, he had elected as the same post as i held.

From this scenario, my perception and the members in that organization's perception toward him had changed. From my perception, he was a potential people to train but. From members perception, he was a good leader. From the higher post members, he was a potential leader.

So based on this scenario, isn't it that our perception to other people change very fast? Perception are made based on attitude, personality, self bias, environment and etc. thank you

written by chrno, Tan Hong Chun

self disclosure

talking of self-disclosure, i now realised my mistakes in the past..back in form3 i confided in a friend about something that happens between me and another friend..she was a friend to me since std 3..very very close..so i trusted her..lo and behold..the next day i went to school, i was confronted by the girl i told her about..god was i shocked!!!
argh...i can't describe how i felt!!! i was furious!!! boiling!! volcano eruption coming...

and she has the cheek to walk up to me and tell me that she accidentally spill everything out..what the??!! since then, i hated school..i hate school for the people there..they all seem to be untrustworthy to me...the girl i talked about forgave me and we became some kind of close friends..however, i didn't stop being friends with the one that sell me out..why?? i don't know why...she just have the guts to come up to me and speak to me as if nothing ever happened..and i didn't have the courage to call it quits with her...so there..

well, two years later, i were in form 5...i was very emotionally unbalanced at that time because of the two year period i bottle myself up...by then, i had been friends with E for two years too as she came to my class in form 4 after we were separated into our respective streams...she kept me company as both our close friend became a new pair of close friend..its like exchanging partners in a way..lol... so, she confided in me all her feelings and worries regarding that close friend of hers and i listened to her patiently...

after some time, i began to open up to her too...i tell her about my feelings and thoughts too...boy, that was really a relief...after two whole years, i finally feel free ; unfortunately, it is not for long...again, the same thing like two years ago happened..she told my story to her close friend and mine to buy them to accept her into the group!!! i really wish to die at that time but i pulled through...that is because of the support my childhood friends gave me..eventhough i have moved on as i grow, they are willing to accept me and give me a hand when i'm down..

i really thank them...if not for them, i wouldn't have the motivation to go to school anymore...that is why, if anyone ask me if i misses high school, it would me NO!!! they think i'm mad but that is because they don't know what i've been through...

therefore, nowadays, i don't bottle up and explode later anymore...i just say what i have in mind..i know that it sometimes seem harsh or rude..but i just can't bear to be let down yet again..i really don't know why everytime my self-disclosure is used against me...why me??? can't they find someone else???

hence, i would like to remind you guys to not belief people for who they seem to be or how they potray themselves to be...it may be a trap to lead you to your self-disclosure and that is when you see their true colours...by then, it would be too late...sometimes, if you really need to self disclose, try it on your family members instead or your dairy...lol...i self-disclose a lot to my sister nowadays and i was suprised with the advice she gave me...they always make things so much easier..hehe...

so what i'm trying to say is that, at least you know that your family won't betray you to your friends...at least you know that your diary won't talk as long as you keep it save...it is actually way safer compared to self-disclosing to friends or colleagues...

Oh no! I Can't Avoid it! I Can't Take It back! And I Can't repeat it!

Lession1:Communication is inevitable!
Definitely! Whether you are talking to someone or not, looking at someone or not you are still communicating.One very unconscious form of communication is body language.For example if you seea dirty beggar on the street you would unconsciously cringe.Or less look on the brighter side if you were to see a good looking guy or pretty lady your eyes would unconsciously be attracted to them.One of my favourite articles form cosmopolitan says if a guys' upper torso is faced to you whether or not his face is facing you, that means your the most interesting person in the room.So ladies rememeber that! :) So whether you say it or not communication is verbal, non verbal,consciously done and the other way round.

Lesson 2: No there's no such thing as taking it back!
I don't get the idea of people saying "oh I'm sorry i take it back" how does one do that when it has already come out of your mouth registered in the other person's brain and obviously has offended them? There have been countless of incidents where celebrities, talk show hosts and comedians who have gone too far only to say "oh sorry i take it back" In the real world once you've said it ts irreversible!


Lesson 3:Unrepeatable
I love you! =)
Can you rememeber the very first time a particular girl or boy told you they "loved you" do you rememeber the feeling that came about along with those words? Its not so much the words that are said because words can be repeated again and again sometimes even in the exact same tone, however the feeling or emotions that went along with it can never be replicated in the exact same manner.And of course the more it is repeated the less meaningful it becomes and the more familiar it becomes.That why words are important, but the way it is said and the underlying message that is trying ot be conveyed is even more important!

All The Great Communicators

I was at an advanced english class attending a lecture when the lecturer asked us who we thought were good communicators? Of course the forefront runner of that question was people like Oprah Winfrey and Ellen Degeneres and other talk show host.Naturally they are good communicators. But someone's anwer in the class stuck out like a soar thumb, he said an example of a very good communicator was well,Hitler.


Hitler? Really that mass murderer? He's a fantastic murderer I'd tell you that but communicator not really.In my mind i would thought sure they would listen to him he had legitimate power, referent power reward power,coercive poweer adn somewhat to a certain extent expert power.So i went home and started reading up on Hitler. couldn't agree more! Hitler was a gifted orator.He could capture an audience with his charismatic and emotional speches.He was somewhat different because to emphasize a point there was beating of the lecterns and growling. He knew exactly how and what it was that made the people roar with enthusiasm and and intense passion to follow him.


Not all germans were anti-semitic but when they heard him speak with such passion and fury they became believers.As much as Hitler was a gifted orator, he did much to perfect the art of self-persuasion.He knew that not only words would do the trick to make these people believers, so over time he prefected his art by using his body language.Rehearsing his speeches infornt of mirrors some say even a hundred times carefully thinking out was hand or arm gesture was right for that speech and carefully choreographing his emotions.Above all he was an actor.


Now if your reading this and thinking what this has to do with human communication i would say that if there were to be a Father of Human communication in a very absurd way i would think Hitler would be it.This is because it isn't easy to persuade a nation to perform homicide on a scale like this.Hence, not having been of an affluent background he managed to study the art of persuasing people to change their attitudes and beliefs.Thats why as i learn human communication i would like to study how these great communicators gained power just thru communication no more, no less.

Debra Sharmaine Nathan

Computer as our communication

In the past few years, computer was only used by people who can afford for communication in the business world. However, today, things have changed. Computer has become a necessity and owned by most people nowadays.

Computer has the function to connect to the internet which is like a global network. By connecting our computer to the Internet, we are able to stay connected with friends in another country and even maintain long distance relationships. For example, unlike using postal services which usually take a few days for the recipient to receive the message, today, messages can be received instantly by electronic mail, commonly known as E-mail. Another alternative way of doing it is that we can chat with our friends live by using the instant messenger such as 'Windows Live Messenger' and 'Skype'.

With the advance in technology, we can even send our message or post information to share with everyone without any cost(of course with the exception of the internet cost). For example, for a company, they can make use of the internet to advertise their product, event or their brand in the form of poster to disseminate their message to attract customers. We can also search for information conveniently by using metasearch engines such as 'Yahoo' and 'Google'.

Besides that, once when we are seperated with our families, we can't see them and talk to them face to face. However, this obstacles can be overcome. Now, we can use videoconferencing method to have a face to face conversation by using webcam.

All these functions that are provided by the computer and internet are a form of communication to us. It provide us with informations that we need and in the same time it also helps us to deliver our messages to others in a faster way.

However, there are negative effects in these communications as well. We can easily misundestand what is others trying to tell us through words. For example, we can't pronounce our words in tone and pronounce verbally such as hah can be means as ( what you mean by this ) or surprise expression). All these involve emotion tone and we can't spell it in words. Other than that, if we have a discussion by using instant messenger, we can't easily catch up what others are trying to say. It is because we have to focus on different aspects at the same time, such as typing, thinking and also reading. Basically, typing involves verbal communication only.

Of course, I can say that the best way to solve this problem is by using video conferencing. It is because it involves both verbal and non verbal communication. Well, these technologies are useful to us especially when we want to deliver our messages instantly to others. As long as this technology would not cause any miscommunication and misunderstanding, they are perfectly fine to use as a type of communication tool between human beings.

Written by,

Tan Hong Chun, Chrno

languages...

to me language is the form in which information are transfered by mouth..the correct definition of language is a systematic means of communicating by the use of sounds or conventional symbols..there are about 6800 known languages spoken in 200 countries around the world..just in Malaysia, there are already multiples of languages..

language helps us communicate..for example, malaysia a multiracial country that became home to people of different races who speak entirely different language made bahasa melayu their national language so that the rakyat may communicate with ease and has at least one thing in common - language. besides the languages spoken by people of different nationality or race, languages also differ according to type of society or social status..e.g. teenagers nowadays communicate through a language hardly understandable to their elders, the language used in courts, the language used in the wet market, etc...

hence, i think that language is able to potray the character, behavior, feelings, culture, beliefs, and many many more things about a person or a group of people or even a country..being a young malaysian chinese adult, i speak bahasa melayu, english, and a few dialects of my race fluently..besides that, i am also able to speak a wee bit of japanese and a few syllable of korean and french .. XD obviously, this tells you a bit that i'm somewhat attracted to languages..in reality, YES!!!

i find it fascinating for human to speak languages so different eventhough we are practically the same in terms of biology. i also find that whenever you listen to a person speak his/her language, you can feel or predict or almost get a vision of what that person is like..i also like language because it immerse me in the culture of the language's race, enable me to make friends with people from all over the world, bridges communication barriers and enhances cognitive flexibility in a person..

i also think that being able to speak your own mother tongue alone brings you closer to your family and gives you a sense of belonging..well, me for one feels that i am closer to my roots, culture and family..because i speak chinese, my friends from china felt very at home with me and think that i am very warm and friendly..same goes to my grandparents who first came to malaysia from china to tap rubber trees..they favour me and my siblings more than my `banana' cousins - a term used to call english educated chinese who don't know anything chinese...why is that so you ask?? well, its because i speak their language ;p

so you see, with languages you will be able to communicate to a wider group of people and is able to learn more things compared to being uni-lingual..learning a wider range of languages also promotes understanding among people from different nationalities..(less miscommunication will occur)..unfortunately, many people nowadays thinks that languages are rubbish..they are not worth to learn..even many of my friends are bananas..when asked why they don't want to learn their mother tongue, i receive the same reply - "what for?? you won't need it la..english is more important.." yes, i do understand that english is currently very important..it is a language used globally..but what has it got to do with learning your mother tongue??

by learning languages, you create an intercultural relationship with the native speaker of the language you learn..you can exchange ideas easily and avoid conflicts as you can understand more than one language..also, it will protect these languages from extinction..yes, it may sound weird saying that a language may go extinct but it is the truth..when the number of people speaking a language decreases and finally nobody know how to speak it, it is then extinct..be proud of your own mother tongue at least to show some respect for yourself..(especially malaysian teenagers) don't forget your roots... if you are done with your mother tongue, try some other languages..it is really fun and may release stress =) ohya, not to mention the advantage to flirt with cute guys or hot chicks from foreign too XD




here are some japanese you may be interested to learn :

hello.. - konnichiwa..
what is your name? - onamae wa? or anata wa donata desuka?
my name is may.. - watashino namae wa may desu. or boku wa may desu.
nice to meet you. - yoroshiku..
how are you? - daijyobu desuka?
i'm fine.. - daijyobu... or genki dane...
long time no see... - hisashiburi dane..
just a moment pls.. - shosho omachi kudasai or chotto matte kudasai
just jooking.. - joudan desu
please help me... - tasukatta kudasai...
please tell me... - oshiete kudasai.
shut up!/keep quiet. - urusai! or shisu kudasai..
oh my god! - mattaku!
so boring.. - suma nee...
byebye - sayonara or jya ne


A Love Song in Several Languages...

Rap around the world (30 languages!)

Birthday Song in Malaysian Languages(english,bm,mandarin,canto)


p.s : this is mainly based on my own opinion, common sense, feelings, and general knowledge..sorry for the crappiness again ;p and sorry its so long ya ;p