self disclosure

talking of self-disclosure, i now realised my mistakes in the past..back in form3 i confided in a friend about something that happens between me and another friend..she was a friend to me since std 3..very very close..so i trusted her..lo and behold..the next day i went to school, i was confronted by the girl i told her about..god was i shocked!!!
argh...i can't describe how i felt!!! i was furious!!! boiling!! volcano eruption coming...

and she has the cheek to walk up to me and tell me that she accidentally spill everything out..what the??!! since then, i hated school..i hate school for the people there..they all seem to be untrustworthy to me...the girl i talked about forgave me and we became some kind of close friends..however, i didn't stop being friends with the one that sell me out..why?? i don't know why...she just have the guts to come up to me and speak to me as if nothing ever happened..and i didn't have the courage to call it quits with her...so there..

well, two years later, i were in form 5...i was very emotionally unbalanced at that time because of the two year period i bottle myself up...by then, i had been friends with E for two years too as she came to my class in form 4 after we were separated into our respective streams...she kept me company as both our close friend became a new pair of close friend..its like exchanging partners in a way..lol... so, she confided in me all her feelings and worries regarding that close friend of hers and i listened to her patiently...

after some time, i began to open up to her too...i tell her about my feelings and thoughts too...boy, that was really a relief...after two whole years, i finally feel free ; unfortunately, it is not for long...again, the same thing like two years ago happened..she told my story to her close friend and mine to buy them to accept her into the group!!! i really wish to die at that time but i pulled through...that is because of the support my childhood friends gave me..eventhough i have moved on as i grow, they are willing to accept me and give me a hand when i'm down..

i really thank them...if not for them, i wouldn't have the motivation to go to school anymore...that is why, if anyone ask me if i misses high school, it would me NO!!! they think i'm mad but that is because they don't know what i've been through...

therefore, nowadays, i don't bottle up and explode later anymore...i just say what i have in mind..i know that it sometimes seem harsh or rude..but i just can't bear to be let down yet again..i really don't know why everytime my self-disclosure is used against me...why me??? can't they find someone else???

hence, i would like to remind you guys to not belief people for who they seem to be or how they potray themselves to be...it may be a trap to lead you to your self-disclosure and that is when you see their true colours...by then, it would be too late...sometimes, if you really need to self disclose, try it on your family members instead or your dairy...lol...i self-disclose a lot to my sister nowadays and i was suprised with the advice she gave me...they always make things so much easier..hehe...

so what i'm trying to say is that, at least you know that your family won't betray you to your friends...at least you know that your diary won't talk as long as you keep it save...it is actually way safer compared to self-disclosing to friends or colleagues...